I’m sick and tired of people in the dorms bitching and moaning about Dining Commons food.

If you are a Sac State student reading this column who hasn’t indulged yourself in a little DC action, I suggest you find someone in the dorms who will let you use their guest points.

Yes, guest points. This means that you can eat for free on their DC card. All you need to do is show a picture ID.

The great thing about the DC is that it’s all you can eat. Theoretically, you could go in when they open at around 8 am on weekdays for a breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage (yes, bacon and sausage — told you it was sweet!), hash browns, milk and orange juice.

After breakfast, you can chill, read a book, write a paper, study for an essay, whatever. Every once in a while you can get up for a snack (cookies, ice cream, etc.), just to say you aren’t loitering. Next thing you know, it’s time for lunch. Remember, you haven’t left the boundaries of the DC, so you are still using the three credits you used for breakfast.

I recommend you get a double cheeseburger, fries, potato salad and a slice of pizza. Pick up a glass of soda and milk while you’re at it. Got to keep up that calcium, because it makes for strong bones.

If you are not a fan of burgers, you can hit up the sandwich line which offers a delightful array of meats and cheeses. I tell you it’s downright exquisite. Bon Appetite.

Out of hundreds of food items to choose from, I have found only one that I would recommend staying away from: the Philly cheese steak. That little number put me on the shelf for a week.

If I were a citizen of Philly, and I found out that Sac State’s Dining Commons was referring to their assemblage of cheese, steak and bread as a cheese steak, I would force them to watch Rocky V over and over again.

After lunch you can sit back and watch the College Television Network, which plays all day on the TV’s which line the dining commons ceiling. Usually the station only shows crappy music videos, but every once in a while you can get a sports update.

After watching the tube for a few hours it’s time for dinner. This is when the fun is just getting started. You guessed it: turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes. Right now you might be telling yourself, “Man, I wish I hadn’t eaten all those french fries at lunch, now I’m all potatoed out.”

Screw it! Take the damn mashed potatoes. You can just toss them if you don’t want them. “Wake up McFly!” Don’t you understand that in the world of all you can eat, you always take like 50 times more than you can finish.

So you take the turkey, the mashed potatoes, and you even throw a chicken burrito on top of the pile. “Watch out! The burrito is starting to roll off the plate. Phew, the stir-fry bowl from the Asian Cuisine kept it from falling. Close call.”

After dinner, you undo your belt and stare off into space with bit of gravy running down your chin. “What a wonderful day I’ve had in the DC, ” you think to yourself. “They should call this place Disney Commons, not Dining Commons, because magical stuff goes on around here.”

Before leaving, you grab an ice cream cone, a cookie and a mint, say, “Peace!” to the cashier, and you’re out. The cashier is probably like, “I recognize that guy.”

And you’re thinking, “Yeah, I came in like ten freaking hours ago.”