Cyndi Warner is a psychology major with experience as anonline counselor. Send your questions to:[email protected]. Please include your name andphone number on all submissions. All questions will remainanonymous.

DEAR CYNDI SAYS: I am in love with the guy I havedated for almost four years. We were each others’ first loves andbest friends. However, when we entered college our first year, webegan fighting and decided to break up.

I wanted to get back together and for almost a year he kepttelling me he did not know. I waited out of love for him and hedecided that he wanted to try again. However, after a couple monthsof seeing each other he decided that he could not love me the sameway anymore.

I am finding this so hard to deal with because I know that wecan be so good together. We know all of the mistakes we made in thepast and if we both wanted – it could be perfect. I know I cannotforce him and it is so hard because he is my best friend andwe talked everyday. We belong to the same group of friends and Isee him every time we go out.

I want to be with him so badly but it kills me to see him.

I just don’t know how to deal with this. I am losing my lover,best friend and a life that I loved so much. I am so scared that hewill start dating someone else when I still feel this way, I don’tknow how I could handle that. I am also scared that if I try todate again I will never find someone that I like as much as him.How do I deal???

-Still In Love

Dear Still in Love:I understand you love andcare deeply for this man and will do anything to be with him again.Please consider why you two broke up in the first place. There is areason and often that reason never leaves in the future, whichmakes getting back together difficult.

You may see that everything is fine and wonderful with him,however, he could be having difficulty accepting something aboutyou. This doesn’t in any way mean you should change yourself! Youare who you are and you should love every part of you!

As ideal as you would like this relationship to be, maybe itis just not meant to happen. It is so very difficult to accept atruth that hurts, but maybe it is time for you to accept that therelationship will not be what it once was.

You do not have to lose a best friend or a life you onceloved so dear. Sit down and talk with him and tell him how much youcare about him as a person and that you can handle not beingtogether in a relationship but you still would like for him to bein your life. He may not be ready for this right away, but if youshow you are serious and are there for him when he wouldn’t expectyou to be, things may turn around for you.

Just don’t pressure him or constantly talk to him about it.Tell him once or twice, and then leave the ball in hiscourt.

Meanwhile, try to concentrate on yourself and try to build upyour confidence and esteem. You make yourself complete. No one elsecan do this. Cherish who you are.

DEAR CYNDI SAYS: I really like Mike but since I amstruggling with myself. I feel like it is almost impossible to makethis relationship work. I don’t know how to solve this. I reallycare about him, but I am afraid to. My past experiences with guyshave been pretty rough, so I end up taking it out on him. I don’tknow how to move past those experiences and be happy with mycurrent relationship.

-Haunted by the Past

Dear Haunted:First, I want to congratulate youfor acknowledging this situation as a growing experience foryourself. This is often the hardest issue torecognize.

Try to accept what has happened in these past relationshipsas a learning experience. We learn something new each time wetravel down a new path, but not every path we take is the same asthe one before. Try to keep this in mind while in yourcurrent relationship.

You can take what you have learned from your past and applyit in a positive way right now. It helps to have the perspectivethat all experiences, whether good or bad, influence you and createthe person that you are. I understand that you are afraid to letyourself care for someone for fear that you will gethurt.

This doesn’t mean you have to put up a brick wall. Don’t tryto jump into anything that you are not ready to experience. Takethings slowly, no one says you have to fall in love with this guyright away. Accept him as the person he is and enjoy hiscompany. Day by day your relationship will grow stronger and youwill as well. Try sitting down with Mike and telling him how youfeel. Let him know that you don’t mean to take things out on himand that you have fears of being hurt. I am sure he will understandand do what he can to help and support you.