Pho (pronounced “fuh”) is a beef and white rice noodle soup that originates in North Vietnam. It is also the second most important culinary invention in the subjective history of Frank Loret de Mola, both for its tastiness and for its ability to cure hangovers better than four raw eggs doused with pickle juice. (The greatest culinary invention: Jack Daniels.) The soup is traditionally flavored with basil, mint leaves and coriander. It also includes either tendon or bible tripe, for additional chewy goodness to slow you down so you don’t just suck down that sweet, sweet broth.

But, for those of us who do know pho, and do know Sacramento, for those of us who are willing, in our never-ending quest for the best bowl of pho in all the land, to traverse deep into South Sacramento, almost to Florin Road, just off Stockton and 65th street, therein lies the King of Pho: Pho King 2.

Yes. I know you said it out loud to yourself. Fuh. King. Great. Now shake those giggles out. There’s important reviewing that needs to get done here. Are you going to be all right? Well, take as much time as you need.

Okay. Now the first question that anyone asks is, why is it Pho King 2? Well, the reason is that the original Pho King is located in Downtown Oakland. The pho there is just as good as the soup in Sacramento, except they have an extra large bowl.

Now, as long as you didn’t decide to eat pho on a Wednesday (they’re closed on Wednesdays), you’ll know when you’ve entered the Kingdom of Pho. The minute you enter there are three waiters/waitresses pointing you towards the same table to sit your party down. After you do as they instruct, they’ll hand you menus, and, if you’re a first timer, you’ll take one glance and be immediately confused. What’s eye of round steak? Well done flank, rare flank, fat brisket? Is this healthy?

If you’re into healthy food, they’ll have a plate of bean sprouts, coriander, mint leaves, jalapenos and sometimes a couple of limes to munch on. I encourage you to be brave and grab any bowl between number one and number seven. This ensures you get at least two different cuts of beef and tendon and/or bible tripe. Also have a chuckle, when you notice that they forgot the second b, leaving “bile tripe” pasted on the menu.

After you’ve ordered your bowl of pho, the waiter/waitress will come back with your waters and that vegetable plate I mentioned. Now, if you are hung over, make sure to nibble on the bean sprouts before your meal comes.

It never takes long in most pho restaurants to get your meal. In under six minutes, you’ll be confronted with a porcelain bowl containing the following: basil leaves, diced green onions, 20 cuts of meat, three handfuls of soaked, clumped white rice noodles, an all encompassing brown beef broth. Add the vegetables as you wish, and please, if you’re a person who uses sauces, especially the Sriracha sauce, don’t overdo it. Especially with a Pho King bowl. Why?

The broth is superior, the difference between Sea Ridge and Two Buck Chuck is the difference between Pho King broth and a variety of other pho places in the area. The pho blends a delicate saltiness with a beef, rather than watery taste, both tastes heightened and made whole by the basil and the green onions, which thickens the broth (but not so much that it is a stew.)

No other pho restaurant I’ve eaten at has as consistent, and as excellent a broth as Pho King 2. Without fail, its broth has lived in the margins of bountiful broth balance. Other pho restaurants are not as consistent. In fact, some restaurants have a broth so salty you’d swear you cupped and swallowed a handful of the Pacific Ocean.

As for the cuts of meat: there is many of them, and they’re rather good, but don’t expect a cut of tenderloin basted ala the Food Network’s “Good Eats.” The cuts are thinly sliced for quick cooking, and even then you’ll probably want to jam the meat under the rice noodle clump for a while so they can heat in the soup.

After you’ve finished, (and hopefully, by now, you have mastered the art of chopstick eating) you’ll notice that there’s no bill. It is considered rude, and it is considered rushing the costumer when the waiter brings a bill to the table. So make sure to go to the register and pay for the food. In order to do that, you’ll want to have cash, because Pho King 2 does not accept credit cards, Traveler’s Checks, your Sac State One Card, (which each of you should have by now) or anything else that isn’t cold hard change, or dollar bills. A small bowl will run you $4.75; a large will run you $5.25. And don’t forget to tip at least 75 cents for a large. They’re nice people, even if the last time I went there they kept asking me if I wanted Diet Coke (that’s Vietnamese for, “Hey look! It’s a fat guy!”)

So make sure you have the cash, make sure you pay, and make sure you don’t show up on Wednesday, and it should be a good meal when you eat at Pho King 2. Just make sure you look at the name of the dentist next door, and try not to laugh too loud at the absolute accidental absurdity of language.