Although dreary, uninviting and sterile, the Library provides a quiet sanctuary for students to study and read. I, being a person who cannot read or study with any noise, head to the fourth floor, which is a silent study floor.

Despite a hard-to-miss sign at the entrance of the fourth floor that reads: “The fourth floor is now a silent study area. Please turn off all cell phones” students still talk away, oblivious to those around them trying to study. There are numerous other smaller signs notifying students of the silent nature of the fourth floor, but still, this simple demand goes unheeded at times. What is it about “silent” that people don’t get?

The library is the closest and most convenient place to study for me and countless other students. I remember in grade school being berated by our librarian, Mrs. Humbert, for being loud and obnoxious. However, somewhere along the way, I gained an appreciation for the serene atmosphere of a public library. Yet there are some students in our midst who refuse to abide by the simple rule of shutting up.

I have “shushed” people for everything from loudly whispering, casually talking as if they were in a bar and group discussions, to people watching videos on their laptops without any headphones. What the hell? There has to be some other place on campus with an electrical outlet where you can watch “A Night in Paris.”

Furthermore, when a room is completely silent, even a whisper seems deafeningly loud. And the chatty Kathys, why do they come to the quietest part of campus to gossip of all the places? Senior child development major Mary Riordan said, “I go to the library because I do not have any other quiet place to go for studying. The drab and depressing decor is bad enough, but when people start talking on the fourth floor, the silent floor, it is absolutely infuriating. It is unacceptable that half of my time in the library is spent asking people to please be quiet; by the time I’m done shushing people I am so pissed of that I can barely concentrate on my reading.”

Don’t people get it? They are surrounded by other students not making a sound, but they think it is alright to talk on their phone or chat to their friend? I have run out of patience. What we need is drastic measures to make sure people shut their mouths on the fourth floor.

I have come up with a few ideas with the $37 million that was supposed to go to library upgrades: Make everyone wear remote-controlled electronic neck braces that horribly shock and burn the individual whenever the noise meter on the brace goes above a certain decibel level. Enlist saber-carrying guards who don’t brush their teeth and who tap their blades on the table of the noise perpetrator. My third and final desperate measure is to hire armed guards whose tactics include pistol-whipping, knee-capping and caving in heads.

I hope it doesn’t have to come to this. So next time you are on the fourth floor, or anywhere in Library for that matter, try to be respectful of those around you and remember that you wouldn’t want someone blabbering across from you while you cram for a final.

Scott Allen can be reached at [email protected]