Atkins, Atkins, Atkins. He’s everywhere. He’s in the grocery store or at Jack In The Box. He’s on TV and in magazines. He’s even at Barnes and Noble. He’s been seen around since the 1970s, so why all of the new hype?

On the surface, Dr. Robert Atkins’ diet appears to be the answer to the age-old question of how to stay thin, but underneath lies a hellish life without carbs. You know, carbs — carbohydrates, that part of the meal that makes everything better. Breads, cereals, potatoes and fruits all have carbs, and the list goes on. Even as I sit here eating my bowl of Cheerios, I wonder why in the world anyone would want to deny themselves these foods?

I’ve had friends who tried the diet. Sure they lost some weight, but at the expense of their sanity. Feeling faint and grouchy were two complaints, but there was also a more important one — never being satisfied. A constant bad taste lingered in their mouths. Now, I’m no dietician or doctor, but I would say this sounds like a bad idea. Surely a little time with Mari Winsor and her Pilates workout could have done the trick, but without the near starvation.

I won’t lie. It’s easy to get lured in by Atkins and his evil plan. He teases a thinner waist and slender frame, all while eating the fatty foods we know and love. That’s right — it’s OK to have fat. But following a diet that embraces fat? You think I’m joking, right?

My mother used to tell me this old cliche that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Atkins says you can have a big, juicy cheeseburger, only without the bun. You can have a bean burrito with guacamole and sour cream, but forget about the tortilla. You can even have eggs and bacon in the morning, if you leave out the toast, of course. Are you starting to see the catch?

But wait — did you really think that Atkins and corporate America would really lose out on all of the money people won’t spend since they can’t buy carbs? Don’t underestimate the power of a dollar.

There is a whole Atkins line of products from a low-carb multivitamin to low-carb cereals, breakfast bars, bread, bagels, chips and pancake mix. Lean Cuisine, Lipton, Skippy, Wish-Bone and Ragu all have a new line of foods called “Carb Options.” I even found Tia Rosa tortillas that boast only nine grams of carbohydrates per serving.

No-carb alternatives are littered around campus. At Gordito Burrito, you can get a burrito with no tortilla. Burger King offers either a burger or chicken breast, but without a bun and ketchup. Off-campus, Carl’s Jr. promotes its “Low-Carb Six Dollar Burger.” And Subway added low-carb wraps to its menu. With all of the marketing and advertising, it’s hard to say no.

Papa Murphy’s offers its own wonder pizza, with half the carbs and calories of a regular pizza. My roommate and I decided to check it out. The thin pizza crust reminded me of a wafer, and the tomato sauce was omitted. I thought lycopene was good for you. Needless to say, it took an entire pizza to fill us up. So the “half-the-bad-stuff” gimmick ended up blowing up in our faces, because we ate twice as much.

Spring break is 1½ weeks away, and I know most people are thinking about looking good in a bathing suit. But instead of buying into all of the trickery, try something else: Go on a walk or hit the gym. Try indulging in what you like, but with moderation. As I said before, I’m no doctor; I’m just a college student who has gained a little insight through trial-and-error. My advice strictly comes from good old common sense.

I wonder what Dr. Atkins would say to that?