A brand new Cadillac Escalade slowly comes to a stop in a parking spot in front of the stadium. The rims continue to spin as the door opens and out flashes a pair of bright green gators and the beginnings of a matching suit.

Out of the car pours a 6-foot-7 small forward with the shooting touch of Ray Allen, the leaping ability of Jason Richardson and the passing skills of Jason Kidd. Expected to go first in the upcoming NBA draft, this player is getting ready to suit up for the Sacramento State Hornets.

How will we get a player like this to come here? Simple. We’ll pay him. Forget about fair play, it’s time our school participated in the time-honored tradition of winning first, everything else second. As part of the “New Attitude” our athletic department is under, I also suggest a new set of morals.

With a school that has little to lose, this plan works perfectly. If we get caught, the NCAA might put sanctions on us like no Bowl games, and exclusion from March Madness.

Really? No bowl games, whatever will we do.

The school won’t be any worse off then it is now. By the time we get caught, the damage will already be done and Sac State will fulfill President Alexander Gonzalez’s dream of becoming the CSU flagship school.

Let’s start by examining how another flagship school, the University of Colorado, sets forth to bring in recruits.

Aaron Meyer, a prospect for the university recently told a national television audience that players offered to send women to his hotel room and took him to a strip club during his visit to the school.

His host, Chris Hollis, admitted to taking Meyer to a strip club and because it was against the team’s behavior standards, he has been suspended for the opening game of the 2004 season.

Strippers, what a great idea. I’ll put 20 bucks down on some strippers if it means watching a potential NBA lottery pick, or Heisman candidate play at the school.We could get less creative and just give our prospects money. Years later, these guys might have to do a little community service for accepting money, but really no harm done.

Chris Webber pleaded guilty to one count of criminal intent in July for lying to a grand jury about accepting money from University of Michigan basketball booster Ed Martin. Apparently, there was more going on in Michigan than baggy shorts and black socks.

The punishment — some community service, a deferred sentence and a suspension by the league. So Webber will do a couple more “Read to Achieve” appearances and rest his knee for a few extra games before coming back to the Sacramento Kings lineup. Any chance he’ll be ridiculed upon his return — no.

Talent cures all. Webber has a contract worth over $100 million and a whole city that thinks he’s as good as Tim Duncan.

Michigan will remain a sports powerhouse despite its indiscretions. It’s a win-win situation for all those involved.

My last suggestion has less to do with players and more to do with bringing in fans. The answer is so simple, star sightings. Every game the school will have to shell out a couple of bucks to pay guest stars to come to the games to watch the Hornets.

If you watch University of Kentucky games you might notice an actress by the name of Ashley Judd often standing in the crowd. Now granted she is there by choice, but we aren’t so fortunate in our fan base.

Imagine the frenzy that might consume the school with dialogue such as this:Student A: “Guess who I saw at the game last Saturday.” Student B: “I dunno, who did you see?” Student A: “Jessica Alba!”

If you’re not a big Alba fan pick the celebrity of you choice.

Hey, with any luck, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger will stop by to see how we are doing.

With the budget the way it is, I know that these suggestions are reaching more then a little, but my point is that players might be more willing to play in our junior high inspired Hornet’s Nest if they were being paid to do so.

Contact Robert Alvis at [email protected]