State Hornet editors Brittany Bradley and Dante Geoffrey discuss how many sexual partners people have had in their past and how to handle it. 

Should you share your number with a partner?

BB: If you want a relationship to progress, trust is essential. I realize opening up and offering information about yourself is a terrifying prospect, but it leads to better things. Don’t ask your partner a question you wouldn’t feel comfortable answering.

DG: You should share your number with a significant other. If you’re in a relationship or potential-relationship you have to be open. If you’re in some awesome lust-fueled boner relief program that will eventually end in shame there’s really no need to share that information.

When is it okay to ask someone what his or her number is?

BB: Don’t wait till you’re breathing heavy and have your pants around your ankles to ask how many lovers your partner has had. Around the fifth date or whenever you realize sex might happen is a good time to bring up the subject. Get the embarrassing and potentially damaging discussions over as soon as time and opportunity allow. No one likes arguing or answering interview-like questions when they’re horny.

DG: It’s probably going to be an awkward question no matter how you approach it, but it’s completely acceptable to ask such a personal question when sex becomes a real possibility.

Is there a good way to approach the subject?

BB: Be direct but gentle. If you find yourself in the discussion about safe sex and stumble on the subject, offer up the topic. Approach it tactfully and with caution but don’t be craven. The longer you put it off the more likely it will become a bigger issue.

DG: There’s no reason to approach this differently than any other personal conversation with a significant other. Be direct, be honest, be open. No reason to get all worked up or nervous about it. If you feel that you can’t talk about it comfortably then you’re probably talking to the wrong person.

Why or why not is a virgin desirable?

DG: Sleeping with a virgin holds some sort of strange mysticism amongst men. I don’t know why. To me, it’s a lot of added pressure and the potential for disaster rises. Also, you don’t want to be responsible for some girl’s horrible first experience. Bottom line, don’t sleep with a virgin unless you love him/her.

BB: If I wanted to teach someone anatomy I would have been a kinesiology major. I’ll pass on the virgin. Sex is better when I don’t have to shout directions and worry about hurting anyone’s feelings.

DG: If feelings aren’t hurt during sex then you’re doing it wrong.

Does knowing that the other party has had only safe sex make a number obsolete?

DG: It certainly doesn’t hurt to know that your partner-to-be has been responsible and safe, but it doesn’t completely nullify the importance of the number of people they’ve slept with. When my psyche decides to ruin my day by imagining the number of dudes that have been inside you, it doesn’t really much help to imagine them sheathed.

BB: No way! It helps to know that person is intelligent enough to be safe, but if I find out the guy I’m on a date with is a Gene Simmons wanna-be, he shouldn’t count on getting past beer. It’s disgusting to think someone’s genitalia have seen as much action as a Madison Square Garden toilet seat. I’ll pass.

DG: Brittany, if your date had a tongue like Gene Simmons then I bet he could count on getting at least a sore neck.

What effect does a number have on a one-night stand?

BB: One-night stands are the exception to the rule. As long as protection is used it’s a “don’t ask don’t tell” situation. I don’t care what his sister’s cat’s name is let alone his dating history if he has a clean bill of health. If I’m into the moment and I know there is no possibility of a future, there is no time to mess around with small talk.

DG: Wait, so you think the name of his sister’s cat is more pertinent than his number? Anyway, I still agree with you. For it to matter you’d have to find out, but if you’re having a one-night stand you’re not engaging in a lot of personal “get to know each other” conversation. Just bag it. Or pull out. I think both are pretty foolproof.

BB: Bag it and pull out; it’s called insurance. Without insurance it’s called penicillin or child support, take your pick.

DG: Geez Brittany, at that point is it even called sex?

What number would you want your significant other to have?

BB: I feel like five is a solid number. It means I’m not going to have to explain where things are, or that I’ll be groped like a complicated IKEA purchase. They’ll know where things go and essentially what to do, but they won’t have so many I’ll be terrified for my health.

DG: You know, people who have slept with six or more people can be tested, right? But still, five is way too many. The ideal number is one. If she’s slept with one person prior to me, I know she at least has a lay of the land, so to speak, but hasn’t had her own land completely plowed. I want to be the second explorer to discover her treasure but without having to forge a new trail. The first guy has to deal with all sorts of fear, emotions and danger while he’s trying to map the new territory. As the second guy, I can just show up and f—ing destroy.

Do you think people lie about their number? Would you lie about your number to get someone into bed?

DG: I think guys are more prone to lie about their number – at least to other guys. It’s like a fish story nobody really believes but can’t disprove. Only when it comes to sex you never over-exaggerate how much your catch weighed.

BB: People lie about things much more insignificant all the time; sexual-related topics aren’t excluded from the list. I imagine the percentage of lies told in sexual relationships is somewhere near appalling, but I doubt men lie more than women. I wouldn’t lie about the number of lovers I’ve had because it makes it more difficult to connect with someone you’re disingenuous with.

Should the number of lovers affect how you feel about your partner? Why or why not?

DG: Absolutely it should. Every piece of information you acquire about someone should affect your feelings about them. To what extent it affects your feelings is the real question.

BB: I’ve judged potential dates on much less, like music taste. Sorry, but your sexual history is going to affect how your future partners perceive you.

DG: I think I might judge more based on musical taste than sexual morality. Does that make me a bad person? Or just an awesome music fan?

How many lovers is too many lovers? 

DG: For women, two or more past sexual partners is unquestionably heinous and shameful.

BB: Dante, it’s not 1910 anymore. At this point in my life I feel like more than 15 means you have little or no standards or self-control.

DG: 1910, aka: The Good Ole Days when women were clean and porn didn’t alter my concept of love. I was joking, obviously. There’s no magic number that is the definitive line between wholesome and whoresome.

When you get to the end of your life how many lovers would you like to have had?

DG: Approximately 75. I know it sounds like a lot, but I chose that number very strategically. Let’s say I’m ready and capable of settling down and getting married around the age of 35. That gives me about a dozen years of irresponsible fornication. If I am to find any modicum of success in my ideal career, then I will be travelling quite often, making it hard to sustain a successful relationship. But I will still have needs. And I will have different people in different cities at my disposal to fulfill those needs.

BB: I’m not a vending machine, strategic or not. I don’t cater to everyone who can push a button. I like to tell myself when I meet the right guy I’ll stop, but I don’t sleep with just anybody. So if I have less than 20 lovers and I settle down with the best, I’d be happy. I may be picky or demanding, but I’d rather demand the best for myself than wind up with someone who can’t hack it. 19 decent lovers and one excellent lover is a sacrifice I feel I can make without compromising my expectations.

DG: I like how there are people who save themselves for marriage, and others – like us – who consider sleeping with 20 people “a sacrifice.”

What must be the circumstance for someone’s number to really not matter to you?

BB: In order for me to turn the other cheek at someone’s indiscretions, they better be outrageously gorgeous and have a remarkable personality. If you can engage me sexually, emotionally and intellectually but have respect for other people as well as yourself, I feel like I could award a carnal pardon.

DG: I could sit and watch the entire National Basketball Association slam dunk Scarlett Johannson’s basket and I’d still marry her later that same day.

Brittany Bradley and Dante Geoffrey can be reached at [email protected]