Once again the soccer gimmick of getting an international superstar to come to the United States to build the game looks like a failure.

David Beckham has decided to stay in Europe when the Los Angeles Galaxy season starts, figuring his chances of making the England national team will be better playing for A.C. Milan than playing for L.A.

This isn’t the first time a foreign superstar has failed to raise soccer’s profile in the States. In the 1970s, The North American Soccer League bought some of the biggest names in soccer, Pelé, Franz Beckenbauer and George Best, thinking they would turn Americans on to the beautiful game. It didn’t work then, it isn’t working now.

Many will say bringing over foreign players is not the answer. America needs homegrown talent to get attention. But players such as Landon Donavan and Mia Hamm are about as American as apple pie, yet still failed to turn the country on to soccer.

Even youth soccer has failed to grow the sport as was hoped. U.S. kids have been playing soccer for a couple generations now, but that hasn’t converted to adults playing soccer, watching soccer or buying soccer merchandise.

There will be some who argue soccer has grown in the U.S. The NASL failed, but now there is a new league: Major League Soccer, made up of 14 American teams and a Canadian team. Still, it must gall the soccer fans that ice hockey has leapfrogged soccer in the U.S.

The game needs to be Americanized.

Spectators in other countries might be thrilled with the artistry in a 0-0 game, but the casual spectator wonders what is so special about a mid-field battle if it doesn’t result in a score?

The easiest suggestion is to increase scoring by removing the goalie.

The goalie is the most non-soccer player on the field. If you aren’t going to let 20 players use their hands, why let two? Get them out of their special kits (soccer-talk for uniform) and just make them another player on the field. More scoring will mean more stoppage of time, more natural commercial breaks, opportunities to show instant replays and chances to go get a beer and nachos.

We could think outside the box, by changing things within the box.

If you are going to let players use their hands, any player can use their hands in the goal box, but get rid of the net. Give a point for kicking the ball through the uprights. Get within the goal box and players can block the attempt, kick from outside the goal box and you have a longer shot, but less defense. The goal posts will also give the soccer hooligans something to tear down after the game.

Instead of the bizarre penalty kicks to break ties, how about keeping it more soccer-ish? If the game ends in a tie, every five minutes each team has to remove a player from the field. Fewer players on the field should result in more scoring. If you are down to a one-on-one game, one of them will score fairly quickly.

We can go way outside the box and “Rollerball” the game.

Humorist P.J. O’Rourke said, “All truly American sports are equipment-intensive. Basketball was strictly for hoop-over-the-barn-door Hoosiers and Jersey City Y’s until $200 gym shoes were invented. And synchronized swimming will never make it to network prime time because how often do you need new nose plugs?”

Give the sweepers dirt bikes. Each team can have two motorcycles. Maybe those pocket bikes kids use to terrorize their neighborhoods. It will change the whole concept of a fast break, and give team owners brand new merchandizing opportunities.

While we’re Americanizing the game, can we also get rid of offside and hire a timekeeper?

Fast breaks are about the most exciting thing in soccer, but more often than not they are killed by a zebra’s whistle before they happen, calling an offside penalty.

Officials seem to have all gotten together and decided to make every half two minutes longer. Can’t we let all the spectators know how much time is left in the game? When the play stops, stop the clock on the scoreboard. Let everyone involved know how much time is left in the game.

Traditionalists will howl.

Golf remained a game a couple shepherds played with wooden sticks and rocks until America decided there was some money to made in selling computer-balanced equipment made from space-age metals, manicured courses and golf buggies. Now, Americanized golf is played all over the world.

Other countries will probably boycott our new Universe Cup. But if they want to sell their cell phones and T-shirts they will dump the Fédération Internationale de Football Association and come compete in our game. Old-world football will go the way of other sports that failed to Americanize, like stoolball, kurr, shinty, skittles and Formula One.

Dan King can be reached at [email protected]