Opinions differ on whether or not people want to know their partners’ sexual pasts, regardless if they are virgins or have had multiple sex partners. Everyone has a different attitude when determining if there is a point where too many is too much.

Some people even become secretive when sharing such intimate information from their sexual libraries. Would you continue dating someone if you knew the truth: that his or her number was above or below your standard?

We all have different sets of morals and standards toward life, but do we create sex standards for ourselves? The urge of wondering about your partner’s sexual past or what he or she may have experienced before you can be nearly irrepressible. So if coming clean and discussing it is the right thing to do, is there a point where you decide not to have a sexual relationship with that person because he or she is, what we say, plenty experienced?

“It’s great to discuss it if you want a sexually open relationship,” said Joanne Marrow, a psychology professor at Sacramento State. “Also, it is much more important to think about the person’s whole life and character than just a number of sex partners,” Marrow said.

College students in their early 20s may feel pressure or have insecurities. “Basically what you’re asking is, ‘What you have packed into five years?'” Marrow said. It can be very uncomfortable for your partner if you have only been sexually active for four years and you have had 10 partners. On the other hand, people 30 or older might feel different because they have been sexually active for a longer period of time.

“If the number is higher than my standard, then I’ll just be another notch on his belt,” said Anna Gutierrez, a senior Spanish major. “I think there is a double standard for how many sexual partners a woman can have compared to a man; it’s not right,” Gutierrez said.

Brian Tillo, a junior business and accounting major, said, “Women are more picky than men, and it should be equal. There shouldn’t be a double standard, even though there is. I think it’s best to be honest, I don’t mind how many as long as it doesn’t pass over my limit, 15.”

So, how does it happen? You discuss it with your partner, a light flashes in your head and says, 10…that is too many. Next! Or do you judge his or her sexual past in comparison to your own? Is it too many if it tops yours?

If I like the guy for who he is, I don’t really care about his number. In past relationships, I have found keeping my number a secret can be very beneficial. I’m not saying being dishonest is the right thing to do, but why put my intimate details on a platter for someone else to judge? Also, why should I be able to judge his character on how many partners he has had?

All that matters is that the person I date like me for me. What I’m good at behind closed doors should be an added benefit, and vice versa. So, in my opinion, taking a few off the list or disregarding a few one night stands is OK.

There is no right answer: Everyone comes from different cultures and backgrounds. Each person decides how many partners are too many for his or her own beliefs and some will realize how minute it can be compared to everything else that a relationship can offer.

Shauvon Torres can be reached at [email protected]