Barbed wire fences, Grand Canyon vistas and menacing longhorn cattle. That’s what you’ll see as you flip through Marlboro’s 2003 “Guts, Grit, Gear” catalog, a 29-page glamorization of ruggedness steeped in the bygone era of the old West, where cowboys ride the range and skies are not cloudy all day.

The merchandise for sale taps into this tough masculine image as well. Compasses are touted as tools for the self-sufficient man (“you’ll never ask for directions again”), barbecue smokers hold up to 50 pounds of meat and sherpa-lined corduroy jackets look like the required outerwear from any dude ranch.

But you don’t need to whip out the MasterCard to buy them. You don’t have to send a money order because you don’t pay for things in this catalog with money.

You pay for them with your life.

The currency of choice for the catalog is the Marlboro Mile, a little proof-of-purchase label on each pack of Marlboro cigarettes. Each seal is worth five miles. If we say the average cost of a pack of Marlboros is $3.50, then the exchange rate is 70 cents to the Marlboro Mile. But to get these miles, of course, you have to smoke cigarettes.

It’s not a currency I would recommend.

The Center for Disease Control says that tobacco use causes more than 440,000 deaths each year, not to mention $75 billion in health care costs.

The catalog bolsters the image that smokers are modern-day cowboys with hearts of steel and lungs to match. The reality is smoking weakens and even kills you. It’s an egregious example of false advertising.

But hey, if you’re going to smoke, may as well get some “free” stuff out of it. So what is your health and well-being worth?

For 2,395 miles (that’s $1,677 or 479 packs of cigarettes), you can get some choice cuts of beef from Omaha Steaks. Mmmmm, the hickory-smoked T-bone steaks and meaty slabs of prime rib are enough to make your mouth water. Too bad smokers won’t get to savor them. Smoking creates an acid taste in your mouth, dulling the taste buds and inhibiting your sense of smell.

You can pack “everything you need for the ride” in the Express Leather Duffle Bag for 1,945 miles ($1,362, or 389 packs). It’s “as durable as it is spacious,” according to the catalog copy. And at 21 inches long, it’s just big enough to fit the portable oxygen tank you’ll need to breathe from when you develop “smoker’s lung,” Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. But won’t you look sharp toting your tank in this duffle?

For only 2,415 miles ($1,691, 483 packs), you can own the Pocket Scout Digital Camera. It’s “perfect for packing light and bringing back the good times.” But being a smoker, you may not be too photogenic. Smoking makes your skin look thicker and rougher. And since smoking has been linked to cataracts and irreversible blindness, you won’t get to see whatever “good times” you photograph.

There’s a collection of campfire cookware by Coleman for 820 miles ($574, 164 packs). But you’ll be short of breath, so it’s hard to imagine you camping in the thin mountain air. With all that gasping, a campfire sing-a-long of “Kumbayah” is out of the question.

The Storming Silver Zippo for 565 miles ($395, 113 packs) is a catalog favorite, with its exquisite silver filigree and signature Zippo flipping lid. The lighter is “Tough. Classic. One-of-a-kind.” And so are you. Because, after all, there’s no replacing a human life after it’s gone.

But just consider all the neat stuff you’ll have to show for your life when you leave this world seven to eight years earlier because you smoked: a compass, some spur-tipped coasters and a handsome glass ashtray.

Click here to send private feedback about this article to the State Hornet’s Forum staff.