After weeks of discussing current events, I?ve decided it?s time to discuss something truly intellectual ? toilet paper. That?s right, that paper substance so many of us take for granted when using the restroom. Next to sliced bread, toilet paper has to be the greatest invention of the 20th century. A great invention, that is, until someone in the University decided to turn long rolls of paper into tiny, single sheets of paper that can be found in so many restrooms on this campus.

Our campus has been invaded by a toilet paper snatching monster. He?s visited buildings all over campus: Amador, Mariposa, the Library, and countless others. It is as if, the toilet paper monster sneaks into these buildings when no one is around, takes the rolls of toilet paper we usually find in restrooms, and proceeds to tear off each individual square so that small squares of tissue are all that is left of the once abundant supply of toilet paper. And, of course, Sacramento State Administration is letting him run free. The end result of this tirade is toilet paper dispensers that are constantly empty, little squares of tissue littering the restroom floors, and irritated students.

When I mentioned to some friends that I was thinking of discussing this very subject for my next column, they first looked at me like I was crazy. Then, upon explanation, they were excited that someone was finally going to say something about the taboo topic of Sac State?s toilet paper that isn?t really toilet paper. To quote one friend, “God, I hate that stuff, someone should do something about it.” So this is my attempt to serve the students of this campus by getting the word out that students, and presumably faculty as well, don?t like having to use the microscopic pieces of paper that disguise themselves as toilet paper in our restrooms.

At first, I thought there must an economic reason for purchasing this type of toilet paper, as opposed to the more traditional large rolls. However, this line of thinking was quickly flushed when it came to my attention that it takes three times as much of the little stuff, to do the same job as the big stuff. So it can?t be that it costs less money, because these little toilet paper dispensers are probably being refilled constantly. And little toilet paper certainly isn?t tidier than the rolls. When you walk into one of the restrooms where the little toilet paper is used, you can pretty much expect to see a lot of little pieces of it strewn all over the floor. So what is it that makes this type of toilet paper so much more appealing than the rolls?

In the older buildings on campus inferior products are understandable, but why were these types of toilet paper dispensers even installed in the newer buildings? Is there someway that the dispensers that use rolls could be installed in place of the small tissue dispensers? We, as students pay enough money to go to this school so that we shouldn?t be forced to use tissues while in the restrooms. Call me crazy, but I don?t think this is too much to ask for.

Erin Kauffman majors in government and women?s studies. She can be reached at [email protected].