I was a transfer student and new to campus. He was a freshman and naïve to the ways of persuasion. We met in a boring, dimly lit oceanography class and had studied together all semester.

My first attempt at a one-night stand was not the most picturesque. I remember heading back to his dorm room in the American River Courtyard as if it were a nightmarish scene from yesterday.

As we sat together in his dark dorm room on his tiny twin-sized bed, groping and tearing at clothing, I had a realization: I was not attracted to this guy at all!

In a stroke of luck and a moment of sheer idiotic genius, I had a plan.

His roommate interrupted us. As he left the room to chastise his overzealous friend, I made a split decision. I grabbed my shirt and shoes, haphazardly threw on my sweater and popped open his window. Scrambling to my feet after falling from the window to the bushes, I made a run for it.

Not all one-night stands are as disastrous as my own experience. For one thing, it is much more enjoyable if both parties actually stay present through the act of having sex and no one jumps from a second-story window ledge.

Awkward as the morning after your one-night stand could be, there still exists a type of etiquette to the situation and how to end the morning properly.

Do offer to drive me home. I just subjected myself to your bodily fluids and awkward sex noises; the least you could do is to drive me home so I’m not submitted to the humiliation of taking public transportation in my dirty clothes with bed-head.

The walk of shame is bad enough and I don’t need strangers judging my wild inhibitions. Being grimy and hungover is not pleasant; I’ll pass on the glorious odor of a bus as an addition to the eau-de-booze and man-stench I am sporting because of our night together.

Don’t pull a page out of the Pauli-D handbook and have a taxi lined up without notifying me. You can kiss future booty calls goodbye before you even pick up the phone if that is your strategy.

No one wants to sleep with a jerk. I can guarantee if you wake me up to tell me I need to dress quickly to catch the cab you called for me, chances are I will Facebook post your inadequacies to counterbalance that inconsiderate gesture.

Do offer me Gatorade or water or breakfast. Even if it was only one night, chances are it was crazy. I’m hungover and I’m probably ravished or at least thirsty. Tylenol and electrolytes are a good way to minimize the awkwardness with charming conversation and it is a small enough gesture that it will not be mistaken as a “relationship cue.”

I do not need breakfast in bed; just an acknowledgment of my humanity will suffice.

Don’t jump out of bed, get dressed and run off to McDonald’s and bring back a McMuffin only for yourself. It is insulting enough to be ignored, but it is worse to stomach your crazy caloric splurge while I get dressed in silence. That’s downright uncomfortable. At least wait until I’m gone to inhale the contents of your refrigerator.

Do tell me you had a good time, even if the sex was not mind-blowing or you cannot remember the night. Drunkenness is no excuse to be inconsiderate. If I can fake an orgasm to spare your ego, you can spare a white lie or a few compliments.

Don’t post snarky comments about our booty call on my profile wall; I have friends and family on my social network. Besides, I have more important things to do with my time than spend the day convincing my brothers jail time isn’t worth the reward of assaulting you.

Sex is not always about an emotional connection, sometimes it is about spontaneity and animalistic needs. Occasionally all I want is to have a good time and feel alive. Sometimes initial attraction is all there is, no future, no dates and no common interest.

One-night stands can be the perfect solution to having those needs met.

Do allow yourself to indulge. If all you want is a single night with the hottie making eyes at you over the bar, by all means get your hook-up on, just do it safely. Come prepared, be considerate and respectful.

Don’t get so caught up in satisfying your own needs you forget the needs of the other person. Using no-strings-attached sex as a license to be inconsiderate and selfish is a mistake. Sex does not need to include serious emotions for it to be good or even great, but the difference is made in the details.

Even if the fun only lasts for a night, your manners and charm should not evaporate in the morning light, otherwise you might consider investing in locking windows.

Brittany Bradley can be reached at [email protected]