Shop till you drop

Mikhail Chernyavsky

If you are reading this, congratulations, you survived Black Friday. Some weren’t so lucky.

By now we have all heard about the blitzkrieg of shoppers that ran over a temporary employee at a Long Island Wal-Mart. Or, maybe it was the two men who ran around a Toys “R” Us store in Palm Desert, Cali. and shot each other, resulting in their deaths.

There is no doubt that these events have raised concern about super savings. Legislators have introduced the “Doorbuster Bill,” which will help stop future fatalities like the one at Wal-Mart. According to the NY Daily News, the bill will force retailers to take appropriate security measures as well as be held accountable for any injuries that occur on mega-shopping days.

However, I’m not shocked about these events. This is a clear-mirrored reflection of our society. Let’s be honest America: We love things. If it’s shiny, has pretty colors or the hot new item, we want it.

Do you remember Thanksgiving? You know, it’s the supposed holiday we just celebrated. Now it just seems like a mile marker for Christmas. As soon as November hits, we get crazy about the holidays. Why we call it the holidays, I will never know; because, it’s all about the obese child molester in bright red – that just screams American.

Can we just stop pretending to care about other people? Yeah, I know that’s what you’re supposed to do during the holidays. But, I’m just too busy with my own life to notice other people.

Time is money. Things cost money. So, I guess when we buy things for others, we really are spending time together. That must mean the more expensive the item, the more quality of time it is we are spending.

I think I now understand. When we are spending time in a blitz line at 4 a.m. instead of in bed, we are just showing how much more we love someone.

So forget what I’ve just said here. Materialism equals love.

Mikhail Chernyavsky can be reached at [email protected]