If your vagina could talk, what would it say? First off, I would be freaking out and wonder what the hell I am doing with a vagina. Second, I am sure my vagina would be just as freaked out as I am, and wonder what the hell it is doing on me.

On Feb. 9, I had the opportunity to go see “The Vagina Monologues.” Like many of my fellow alpha males, I was filled with glee. Who could turn down the chance to see a show about vaginas? It is like having the chance to be a gynecologist without having to do any work. Little did I know, that night I would actually learn something.

The show started out with a dozen girls talking about, well, vaginas. More specifically, they talked about the research that went into talking about vaginas. As the show started out I quickly began to realize that perhaps men and women do have more similarities than we as a society give credit.

One performer said, “Women love to talk about their vaginas.”I always knew it. Finally, it has been said and brought to light. Women love to talk about their vaginas just as much as men love to talk about their penises. At that point I just wanted to stop the show and just hear what women would talk about. With countless thoughts running through my head of what women would say about their vaginas to other women my brain had cleared of all but one thought.

Would they talk about size?

Everyone knows that, as males, we are entranced when it comes to talking about the size of our manhood. So I need to know. Ladies, do you talk about the size of your vaginas? Is bigger better, or is it the reverse for you? Now, we as guys will make fun of the needle-dick kid in gym class. Do girls do the same? Do you point out and make fun of the girls who have tiny vaginas?

With all the fun and games of the show, I must admit going in to see the show I had one fear: Would this be a penis-bashing show? From the first monologue about a married woman, whose husband screwed around, to a happy vagina fact of orgasmic proportions, it was not looking too good for the good ol’ boys.

The My Angry Vagina monologue opened up some doors for me. By the end of the first act, I realized I had never really put much thought-not that I ever needed to do so-into the maintenance of vaginas. Holy hell, I never realized how angry some vaginas were. All those pads and other stuff I really do not want to go into. We as men really have it easy. Our maintenance consists of splashing on some soap and water, and we’re set for the day. I cannot even imagine how guys would react if we bled from our crotches once a month.

I must admit “The Vagina Monologues” was not a sausage-bashing fest, but a true educational experience. When the average man hears of things associated with feminism, he assumes that he will walk out of the building with his head tucked in, and the only thing he will be able to say is “penises, what a bunch of dicks.”

It is important to remember that just because something is associated with feminism does not mean that we, as men, cannot or will not be able to enjoy it. As a man, “The Vagina Monologues” may seem like it would be about how women are better than men. Until you see the play, it will be hard to understand what it is really about: bringing both men and women together for laughs, tears, and to fight for one cause.

Mikhail Chernyavsky can be reached at [email protected]