LOS ANGELES (U-WIRE) ?” Yule logs are flaming, chestnuts are roasting, and reindeer hooves are pitter-pattering all over the free-exercise Claus of the First Amendment, which happens to guarantee the right to practice one’s religion without government interference.

Christmas is the only religious holiday in America that is also a federal holiday, which might be a bit unsettling for First Amendment sticklers. For now, let’s let that one slide.

The new issue at hand is that we are at war. No, not the war on terror — the war on Christmas. Sound stupid? It is.

The argument is as simple as it is ridiculous. Somewhere along the road, someone decided that saying “Happy Holidays” as opposed to “Merry Christmas” bastardizes the religious spirit of the sacred Christian holiday.

Who’s to blame for this holiday hoopla? John Gibson, among others, is a prime culprit. He is a Fox News anchor and author of “The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought.”

Now, I am excited about this. I don’t think I’ve ever been involved in a plot before. I hope this is a good one, being my first conspiracy and all.

According to an Amazon.com review, Gibson’s book outlines examples of the liberal secularist plot to destroy Jesus through the systematic demolition of Christmas. He gives examples such as government workers in Illinois, who were forbidden to say the phrase “Merry Christmas” while at work, and a New Jersey school that banned all traditional Christmas carols.

Now, I don’t agree with these strange examples at all, and I doubt that many people do. Obviously these examples are extreme, and let’s face it, no one likes an extremist. This really sounds more like a by-any-means-necessary type attack on liberals more than something Christians are actually upset over.

I think the real question is, does the phrase “Happy Holidays” really threaten you and your beliefs? Does it really take away from your ability to celebrate of the birth of Jesus Christ any more than the massive consumer-targeted retail frenzy Christmas has become?

Let’s just simplify things a bit and say “Happy Holidays” to account for all holidays and not leave anyone out, but at the same time not privilege anyone either.

Without the catch-all “Happy Holidays” slogan, businesses would have to make faith-specific sales pitches to hock their goods. For the Jews, it’s “Happy Hanukkah;” for many African-Americans, it’s “Happy Kwanzaa.” And don’t forget the Slovenians, with their cheerful “Happy Slovenian Independence Day.”

Or maybe you’re celebrating one of the pagan midwinter festivals from which many believe Christmas may have originated, such as the Germanic “Yule” or the Roman “Festival of Saturnalia” or “Festival of the Birth of Unconquered Sun.” If not “Happy Holidays,” what would you have me say to all my Roman friends this time of year?

“Happy Season of the Festivals of Saturnalia and of the Birth of Unconquered Sun!”

That’s quite a mouthful.

Hey, I have an idea: Lets shorten it to “Happy Holidays.” All-encompassing, fair and easy.

This whole thing is ridiculous. We go from the war on terror to the war on Christmas just because we need something to argue about.

Wishing someone a happy holiday, as in a happy whatever-holiday-you-happen-to-celebrate, is really just a respectful thing to do. If you honestly believe that someone saying “Happy Holidays” is a threat to your religion, you need to pass that joint to the left, my friend — how paranoid have you become?

Religious or not, most people celebrate something this time of year, and if everyone celebrates something different, why not just wish everyone happy holidays in general? If you are Christian and you feel that you have to be told specifically to have a merry Christmas, you need to get over yourself.

Jennifer Giroux is the co-founder of an organization that manufactures rubber wristbands that read, “Just Say ‘Merry Christmas.”‘ In the true spirit of Christ, she has cashed in on this war on Christmas and reportedly sold over 15,000 of them for $2 each. In a BBC article, Giroux was quoted as saying, “We just wanted to encourage Christians to have the courage to say “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.” Courage? As if Christians are a downtrodden minority at 80 percent of the American population.

I’m an atheist half-Jew and I still get my presents on Christmas morning, so this whole “war” doesn’t really affect me. Go ahead and wear your wristband and write your books; until Santa gets involved, I’ve got other things to worry about.