Sierra’s Spicy Takes: Am I too boring for my girlfriend?

In this week's Spicy Takes, a reader wonders if he is too boring for his girlfriend.

Illustration by Sierra Savage - The State Hornet

In this week's Spicy Takes, a reader wonders if he is too boring for his girlfriend.

Sierra Savage, Distribution manager

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Reader be advised: Sierra’s Spicy Takes is, as the kids might say, NSFW. Read at your own discretion.

In this week’s Spicy Takes, we address some of the trials and tribulations that come along with long-distance relationships and insecurity over a new boo’s exes.

Q: “So, I met a person over the summer. We only spent less than a day together, alongside a group of other people, and at the end we all traded phone numbers. Since then, they’ve been the only one who has kept in contact and we talk on a consistent basis. We’ve been trying to meet up since then but really only have Friday as an option and it just hasn’t worked out. Since I haven’t mentioned it yet, they live far enough away it would need to be an entire day trip for one of us. Through all of this I’ve started to develop feelings for them. Honestly, they’re the first person where a friendship came easy. I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing more to risk that friendship, especially with the geographic barriers we face. What do I do?”

  • Stargazer

A: I’m always of the mindset that you should go for it, because you will always wonder what could’ve been if you don’t.

If you’re still talking and clicking, I would first tell them how you feel. You need to be open and honest with your feelings.

There’s definitely a risk that it might damage the friendship, but it also wouldn’t be honest to pretend that you’re not feeling this way.

If this friendship is strong and meant to be, then they’ll either feel the same way or they won’t.

If they don’t feel the same way, you can try and still build a good healthy friendship if they’re still down as well.

But if they do feel the same way, you guys just have to go for it and make it work.

That might mean that one of you commutes.

You guys might need to trade every other weekend in terms of travel. OR neither of you travel and it’s just primarily a relationship that looks how it’s already been looking until you two potentially star crossed lovers can finally meet again.

Relationships are complicated and take work/gas money.

Long story short, I’m always rooting for people living their best lives, even if it means struggling for awhile.  

RELATED: Sierra’s Spicy Takes: Leave your waitress alone

Q: “I’ve been dating a girl for about five months now. I’m a senior Sac State CS major, and I’m already working in the field. Pretty stable guy. She made a few comments in the beginning of our relationship about how safe she feels with me, and how much she trusts me not to hurt her. They made me feel nice but I wasn’t sure what they meant. Since she made those comments, I’ve found out more about her exes. A drug dealer who is now in prison, a semi-famous musician and a tattoo artist who loves motorcycles. All more attractive then I am, all cooler. It’s got me worrying that my gf is only dating me because I’m boring and won’t hurt her or cheat on her. She’s jokingly called me boring once or twice! When people joke, they’re often really communicating the truth, right? I’m not constantly thinking about it, but it is on my mind. Do I ask her? Let it go? Wait to find out more about them?”

  • Prince Boring

A: I have always been a really nosy person. I always knew a lot about my ex’s exes. For the sake of the rest of this story, he’ll be known as Eli.

Eli had dated a lot before he dated me, and I had really only dated one or two other people. He would listen if I brought up my exes, but never really asked or cared to know anything.

I was always the exact opposite.

I know who his last ex before me is and I know why they broke up. I know most of Eli’s big milestone relationships and some “fun facts” about the girls.

I’d like to think it’s because I’m just really nosy, and not because I was insecure. For the most part, I didn’t feel threatened by any of them — except for one particular ex, whom we will call Lisa (who happened to get married recently.)

Lisa was clearly Eli’s “one that got away,” and in his mind, they never really got the chance that their possible relationship deserved.

I looked nothing like Lisa and didn’t have many of the same interests. I found myself always trying to become more interested in things that I wouldn’t have been otherwise.

It was something I was never able to vocalize, but his clear adoration of her was upsetting and didn’t make me, his then current girlfriend, feel good.

I knew he was dating me because I was a cool person even though I wasn’t the same. It was always hard to remember that in the moment.

There’s a reason we’re exes.

All of this is to say that you should do the things that I couldn’t. Don’t worry about your significant other’s exes. It’s mentally exhausting and will only lead to trouble.

I think that people can communicate a lot of things when they’re joking and I wouldn’t take her jokes to be the be-all and end-all of her opinions of you.

If you’re worried she thinks you’re boring, I would either straight up ask her or just realize it’s probably some of your own insecurity peeking through.

If it’s something that’s on your mind, I would first try and rationalize to see if you think she thinks that because YOU think that or whether you’re actually concerned about what she thinks of you.

If you’re still worried, it’s probably worth a real open and honest conversation.

But definitely don’t worry about trying to learn more about her exes. Unless you’re planning on making them a part of your relationship, I would try and forget they even exist.

Don’t forget to submit your questions here or below and come back next week to read more Spicy Takes with Sierra!

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