OPINION: Pepsi’s a joke; Go with the Coke


Jordyn Dollarhide - The State Hornet

Due to an exclusive contract between Pepsi-Cola and University Enterprises, Inc., all Coca-Cola products are banned from distribution on campus.

Jordyn Dollarhide

Coke is, truly, the queen of soft-drinks.

Just to give you a bit of insight into my lifestyle, I’ll begin with a short story. A few weeks ago, I drove a few blocks from my work on J Street to eat at the only restaurant that’s worth my time: Subway.

It has everything I want: my usual ham and cheese sandwich that’s pre-made for me as I walk through the door, a bag of my favorite chips and, more importantly, Diet Coke.

But, on this particular day, my nightmares were realized. A hideous hand-written sign was taped on that beautiful grey-and-red logo that consumes my entire existence.

They were out of Diet Coke.

So, I drove almost five miles until I found a Subway with my glorious soda of choice. It wasn’t even a question for me. My loyalty knows no bounds.

Imagine my disappointment when I walked onto the Sacramento State campus for the first time and discovered its soda loyalty.

Now, listen: I like to think I’m a reasonable person. I pay my taxes and spend the last $4 in my bank account on Coors Light the night before midterms like any other student.

But I only expect to drink the dark-colored swill that is called “Pepsi” when I drive to the middle-of-nowhere Oregon once a year to visit family.

Of course they serve Pepsi there. The town only has 3,000 people and maybe $500 dollars between them. They don’t know any better.

But, we are in Sacramento: the state capital. And here we are, drinking Pepsi like hick savages who pass out drunk on golf courses on Wednesday afternoons.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder how on God’s green Earth Pepsi can even pass as soda. Half the time, when I’m forking out an hour of minimum wage pay for a bowl of chow mein and I’m absolutely desperate, the soda that shoots from that nozzle isn’t even soda at all. It’s the depths of the barrel, carbonated liquid with a hint of brown coloring for the purpose of looks alone.

It’s knock-off Canada Dry pretending to be a top-shelf soft drink. It’s a bottle of pear-flavored Burnett’s vodka with a Grey Goose label slapped on top. It’s Sam Hunt trying to pass as a country artist.

An absolute disgrace.

To make matters worse, the Subway right here on our campus has the audacity to turn its back on its thousands of franchise cousins to go along with this nightmare.

Really, Sac State Subway? How can you betray us like this? You are supposed to be dedicated to the well-being of your customers.

“Subway: Eat fresh,” remember? There is nothing “fresh” about “Pep-swill.” There’s nothing “fresh” about denying loyal, paying customers of their concrete satisfaction. What is “fresh” is helping to fuel my borderline addiction to Diet Coke along with undoubtedly thousands of others who feel the same.

And don’t even get me started on Diet Pepsi. I don’t even classify it as a beverage. I’m thoroughly convinced someone in the Pepsi headquarters just decided one day to stick a cup in the sewer drains in front of their headquarters and slap a label on it.

So, Sac State, I beg of you. Students have put up with a lot over the semesters. We already fork out our life savings just to attend this school. Give us something in return.

Make it worth our while to practically hand over our weekly paychecks for campus fast food.

Give mama the goods. Don’t make me drive to that McDonalds on College Town Drive with rats in the parking lot just to get my Diet Coke caffeine high.

Long live the queen.