Cassie Kolias

While “Sex and the City’s” Carrie Bradshaw was settling down over the past two years, Duke graduate Karen Owen has been chronicling her sexcapades with as many Duke athletes as she could score.

For a Duke graduate, she really isn’t that smart.

As what can only be assumed as a joke, Owen created an unofficial senior thesis that retold her four years’ worth of conquests with Duke athletes in the form of a PowerPoint presentation. The presentation, which she titled “An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics,” was e-mailed with the raunchy, detail-filled slides to exactly three friends, who obviously thought it was worth sharing, and like many stories on the Internet, it went viral.

The list probably wasn’t her brightest idea. Power to her for making a list, but why would you put it anywhere on the Internet? I do sort of wonder if that was her goal in college – to sleep with as many ripped, tanned athletes as possible. One thing that’s beyond true is that Owen at least had good taste in her choices.

In the list, she not only has the names and pictures of the 13 members of Duke’s baseball, lacrosse and tennis teams, but she also concludes with a ranking on what she calls “The Official F*** List,” which has the athletes in a list from 1-13 in order. A lacrosse player named Zach Howell topped her list, while tennis player David Goulet came in 13th with a dismal score of one out of 10.

Each of the athletes were evaluated based on a number of things including physical attractiveness, size, talent, creativity athletic ability, aggressiveness and entertainment. Then they were given what Owen called a “raw score.”

Each subject had a slide that included the story of how she met them and took them home, memorable moments, pros and cons that were followed by this raw score. She also doled out extra points if “the subject regularly performed exceptionally well on the field or diamond.”

I will have to give the girl props for being so thorough and fair in her scoring scale. And she definitely gets an “A” for her creativity in this project. This was still an idiotic move though. Maybe college did teach her something about research, although it clearly taught her nothing about values.

Usually her stories begin with alcohol, and nearly all of them start at a place called Shooters. With one athlete, Subject Five, she was so drunk that she blacked out and didn’t even remember sleeping with him.

Her PowerPoint said this, “Although I was lying next to someone whom I had never found particularly attractive, I had somehow, in my blackout state, still managed to crawl into bed with a Duke athlete.”

Owen’s proudest moment of the thesis seemed to be with Subject No. 3, who, after a romp usually left her unable to walk in the morning, when they had sex in the Duke University library during finals week. She spends an extra slide to give details of the rendezvous.

Let’s just say the fallout of Owen’s actions suck for her. The school is ticked off at her. The athletes aren’t thrilled. And the players’ parents are even more pissed. However, it must be noted that while she may have promiscuous tendencies, her account of all 13 affairs were not only witty and catty, but they were immensely entertaining. Owen might be dumb, but she’s pretty funny.

Duke will eventually get over the list, the players will move on, and their mothers will eventually block out the words describing their sons’ girth and overall sexual performance.

Plus, it’s not like Duke’s athletes haven’t been involved in a sex scandal before.

Cassie Kolias can be reached at [email protected]