You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried The sad, strange saga of the Atlanta Falcons just keeps getting more bizarre. First, Bobby Petrino decided to start Chris Redman in Monday night’s loss to the Saints. That’s right, the same Chris Redman who was benched in Baltimore in favor of Kyle Boller in 2003. Then, Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison for his involvement in the infamous Bad Newz Kennels dog-fighting ring, which is much longer than the 12-18 months many pundits predicted he would get. Apparently not happy with the abundant bad press he was getting, Falcons owner Arthur Blank said that Michael Vick should stay away from “fried chicken and fries” while in prison in order to stay in good shape. His comments have been construed as racist in the media, although I would be inclined to disagree with that assumption. It has been well-documented that Blank had a very close relationship with Vick and it wouldn’t make sense for him to make racially disparaging remarks against his former starting quarterback. His comments were still poorly thought-out, though, and he would have been much better off mentioning burgers and fries instead of fried chicken. The icing on the cake came Tuesday, when Falcons head coach Bobby Petrino jumped ship and accepted the head coaching job at Arkansas. Petrino is the biggest sleazebag in all of this, pulling off a Nick Saban-like escape from a bad situation in Atlanta. Petrino gave his blessing for the Falcons to trade away Matt Schaub to the Texans, solidifying Vick’s position as the franchise quarterback. When Vick was arrested, Petrino was left with very few attractive options at quarterback and was forced to start Joey Harrington, Byron Leftwich and Redman to very lackluster results. So with the ship sinking, Petrino abandoned his team after less than a full season, even though he assured Blank as recently as Monday that he would back next year. Arkansas will be his third coaching job in the last 12 months, and I bet he’ll probably be on the move again before long. He gave one Hill of a performanceThe 49ers lost their second consecutive game on Sunday and never had a chance in the 27-7 thumping. Quarterback Trent Dilfer had another horrible outing, but third-stringer Sean Hill came into the game in the second half after Dilfer was hurt and played surprisingly well. The Niners should let Hill finish out the season as the starter, because he really can’t do much worse than Dilfer and his tired old body did. The offense is already the worst in the league and it’s not as if the Niners are fighting for a playoff spot, anyway. Sunday’s game also saw the death of a male fan who fell off of a short wall in the upper concourse and did not survive the 20-foot drop to the mezzanine level below. Police said they believe the man was likely trying to sit on the wall and misjudged it, leading to his tumble over it. As a person who frequents baseball games in the concrete bowl (McAfee Coliseum in Oakland), it always makes me nervous when I see kids running around near the edge of the second deck. This man’s death should serve as a reminder that you should always be mindful of your surroundings at the stadium, especially after you’ve had a few beers at the game. Maybe Smith took offense at Nolan making fun of his little hands Alex Smith will undergo shoulder surgery sometime in the next few weeks, but there have been other off-the-field issues surrounding the young quarterback lately. Smith took a few shots at head coach Mike Nolan earlier this week, accusing him of undermining Smith in the locker room and downplaying his injuries. Smith backtracked a bit on Tuesday (way to go, tough guy) and said that he and Nolan kissed and made up on Monday. Regardless of how the Niner drama plays out, I wouldn’t be surprised if San Francisco starts looking for a new quarterback in the offseason. No one in the Niner organization appears sold on Smith as the future of the franchise, and he’ll probably be gone by the start of the 2009 season. JaMarcus Russell: the highest-paid bench warmer in NFL history The Raiders were hammered 38-7 by Green Bay on Sunday, looking nothing like the team that had won back-to-back games against divisional foes. Oakland got behind too quickly and couldn’t use its strong rushing attack, so it was up to quarterback Josh Mc”Clown” to lead the Raiders to victory. Clearly, that plan didn’t work out so well. Head coach Lane Kiffin decided to put Andrew “Tree Stump” Walter at quarterback in the fourth quarter instead of JaMarcus Russell because the offense was playing very poorly. The Raiders will face Indy at home this weekend, and are 10.5 point underdogs to the reigning champs. Even though they have no chance of beating the Colts, the Raiders need to put Russell in the game in the second half after Indianapolis has scored about 30 points. He can’t learn much more by sitting on the bench, and will need to be ready to be the full-time starter by 2009 at the latest. Otherwise, I hope Michael Vick is out of jail by then? Mega, Gigantic, End of Season Blowout! No, I’m not having a clearance sale. Since this is the last edition of No Huddle for the fall semester, it’s time to make some bold playoff predictions and give my picks for the end of season awards. Here are your playoff teams: AFCDivision Winners: Indianapolis, New England, San Diego and PittsburghWild Cards: Cleveland and Jacksonville Explanation: The division leaders all have comfortable leads and won’t surrender them as the season comes to a close. Jacksonville is in great shape right now, but Cleveland has a couple of teams breathing down its neck as it pursues the last playoff spot. The Browns have an easy schedule the rest of the way, so they will beat out Buffalo and Tennessee to earn their first playoff birth in five years. NFCDivision Winners: Tampa Bay, Dallas, Seattle and Green BayWild Cards: New York Giants and Minnesota Explanation: Much like the AFC, no division leader in the NFC has any reason to fear the teams below them. At 9-4, New York is practically a shoo-in to make the playoffs, while the Vikings has been red hot (winners of four-in-a-row) to catapult themselves back into playoff contention. New Orleans has an outside shot of stealing the last playoff spot from the Vikings, but my money is on Minny. Conference ChampionshipsAFC: Indianapolis over New England, 30-28NFC: Dallas over Green Bay, 27-23 Explanation: These four teams have been the best in the league this season, so why shouldn’t they meet at the end of the year to decide who goes to the Super Bowl? Indianapolis and New England have been on a collision course for a rematch since that agonizing defeat Indy suffered against the Pats in October, but don’t be surprised if Jacksonville ends up in this game. The Jaguars are a team that no one wants to face in January because they play great defense and quarterback David Garrard takes care of the football (0 interceptions this season). The Colts get the nod over the Patriots because they have a defense strong enough to stifle New England’s offense for most of the game (you can’t hold them down forever) and have proven over the last few years that they can score on the Patriots (31.25 points per game since 2005). Green Bay nearly beat Dallas in their Week 13 matchup and the Packers have enough firepower to keep up with the Cowboys’ formidable offense (ranked second in points and total yards). But the Cowboys defense is infinitely better than Green Bays’, which relies too much on big plays. The game will be close because Tony Romo will struggle on the big stage against his idol, old man Favre, but Dallas’ defense will make key stops when it matters most. Super BowlIndianapolis over Dallas, 31-24 Explanation: The AFC is far superior to anything that the NFC has to offer, although Dallas is the best representative the NFC could send to the big game. Indy is too strong on both sides of the ball for the Cowboys to pull out the win, but Dallas will put up a good fight. In the end, Indy will become the latest team to win back-to-back championships. End of the year awardsMVP: Tom Brady, Quarterback – New EnglandDefensive Player of the Year: Albert Haynesworth, Defensive Lineman – TennesseeOffensive Rookie of the Year: Adrian Peterson, Running Back – MinnesotaDefensive Rookie of the Year: Patrick Willis, Linebacker – San Francisco Explanation: Although there are certainly many candidates in the league that have been more valuable (Derek Anderson in Cleveland!) than Tom Brady, who is surrounded by great talent, he wins by virtue of his incredible stats and his team’s record. He has 45 touchdown passes to only five picks, and is in reach of the single-season records for passing yards and passing touchdowns. Haynesworth has been an absolute beast for the Titans, pressuring the quarterback (six sacks) while also stuffing the run. He is also invaluable to the team. The Titans are 7-3 when he is in the lineup and surrender only 16.7 points per game. Without Haynesworth this season, Tennessee is 0-3 and surrenders 32.3 points per game. Peterson is an easy choice for offensive rookie of the year. He twice rushed for over 200 yards in a game and reached 1,000 yards on the season after just eight games. Willis has been the lone bright spot for the Niners’ pitiful defense, racking up 136 tackles this year. He bests Houston’s Amobi Okoye by a slight margin. NFL Picks: The Final Tally No picks this week in favor of the playoff preview. Here’s how it all ended up: Last Week: 4-0; Season Overall: 37-17 And finally? I’ve had a great time riffing about the football season this semester, and thanks to all the readers who took the time to read the column. I’ll be back with even more ridiculous remarks next semester, so until then, Merry Christmas everyone.

Fernando Gallo can be reached at [email protected]