It?s now time for the obligatory, “I hate mid-terms column,” because they suck, Let?s face it, they are a pain in the ass. It?s absurd that we really have to remember all the things our teachers say.

I am taking four film courses, and normally I love film, but when I am forced to analyze them they become about as fun as a root canal.

I have one teacher who lectured us about the homosexual undertones of “Dracula.” It forces me to become focused and concentrate, which I rarely do. I am more from the dada school of thought. I just like to wing it. I make it up as I go along.In another class we a John Wayne flick and we analyzed the motive of his character; he is the friggin? Duke. He?s a cultural icon. I know him, I agree with him except for the ill-fated comments he made in Playboy shortly before his death. He?s the archetype of the American hero.

Man, I need to slow down; I slipped into film jargon.I don?t really care if a film is post-structuralism or post-modern. If a student has to go to the bathroom, without saying it, does he really have to urinate? Did he just imagine he had to pee? Was it a dream? Ahhhhhh?

Slipping into the abyss of philosophy is a tough dredge to pull yourself out of.

“Do we exist and are we alive.”

I don?t know, Jim, but I feel very alive when I pay my rent at the beginning of the month.

But in all fairness the film classes I am enrolled in force me to watch film that I wouldn?t necessarily watch. Which in a weird sort a way is both enlightening and re-affirming. If I have to watch that stroller role down the steps of Odessa again, I think I am going to take my life by rolling headfirst down an escalator in the turning cogs and turn myself onto “manmeat.” You?ll be able to buy me the pound on the Internet.

On the other hand I watched the film, “The Grand Illusion,” which was a masterpiece and triumph of film making. And if it weren?t for my class, I never would have rented or viewed this movie on my own.

I like watching movies, but there?s something that sucks about being jammed into the tiny seats of Mariposa Hall. It may be the newest and most technologically advanced (but where are the DVD players?) building on campus, but they still can?t give you an extra five inches in front of you so your knees don?t hit the back of the next person?s head.

The bottom line is that no matter how good a film is in class, it will never compare to watching a film in a theater or in a living room with your friends, or even by yourself for that matter. I?d rather be sticking my hand into a tub of popcorn than reaching for pen so I can take notes.

Disagree? Teach Matt Wagar a lesson at [email protected].