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Munch Madness analysis: From the Edible 8 to the Filling 4

We see one-percent margins of victory, a newcomer comes up short and a titan falls. Round 2 is over.

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(Go to StateHornet.com/TheFoodIssue for more food-related stories)

Round 1 of Munch Madness seems so long ago; each day is a blur. We’re moving along at breakneck speed and with not enough time to mourn those we’ve lost on the way.

Nevertheless, we must pick a winner and prepare the rest for their Viking funerals. Vote for Round 3 of Munch Madness today, and read below to find out how we got from the Edible Eight to the Filling Four.

The matchup: Good Eats! vs. Bagel Place

The result: Good Eats! (50.5 percent) defeats The Bagel Place (49.5 percent)

Analysis: Just like March Madness, there are different types of teams, and this matchup rather cruelly put the two strongest non-chain eateries Sacramento State has against each other. It’s like two small college basketball programs facing each other, knowing that whoever wins is going to have to take down Kentucky to grab the title.

Good Eats! moves on to the Filling Four, and it’s likely for the following reasons: longevity and variety, two things The Bagel Place doesn’t have yet. The Bagel Place is like an entirely new college basketball program that managed to recruit one five-star athlete (bagel sandwiches) and put them on the court with the Chess Club (no other options). Good Eats! at least has a team.

And it might also be because of the gross peanut butter cup spread that The Bagel Place tried recently for Halloween. Nah, fam.

Good Eats! moves on to a Round 3 matchup against Baja Fresh.

The matchup: Baja Fresh vs. Panda Express

The result: Baja Fresh (50.9 percent) defeats Panda Express (49.1 percent)

Analysis: Might as well have called it the Kameron Bowl, which could also be an item at both establishments and would have nearly all the same ingredients. There are no places I eat at more than these two, and I honestly can’t tell you which one I frequent more.

I tend to forget the negative and remember the positive. Positives I remember about Panda Express: super yummy a handful of times, on Halloween I got my plate for free because I remembered the name of the drag queen who served as inspiration for Ursula in “The Little Mermaid” and that’s it.

If I have to dig in and think, I can remember a large amount of times that the lines were long and slow, and the food was dry or gross. I can also remember one time when they were literally out of every chicken. How does that happen? They have like 20 chicken dishes.

Positives I remember about Baja Fresh: I eat burritos there. Negatives I remember about Baja Fresh: sometimes I eat the burritos too fast.

As we say goodbye to Panda Express, we say goodbye to part of me as well.

Baja Fresh moves on to a Round 3 matchup against GoodEats!

The matchup: Starbucks vs. Togo’s

The result: Starbucks (62.4 percent) defeats Togo’s (37.6 percent)

Analysis: Winner of the grossest product mashup this round (Vanilla Soy Tuna Melt), this clash wasn’t so much a battle, as it was a peace treaty.

Togo’s only existed in this poll to defeat Subway and should walk home happy like that guy who took $1,500 on “The Price is Right” earlier this week rather than risking it for a car. You have to pay a lot of taxes if you win that car, especially in California. Did you know you don’t get the car until you’ve paid the taxes up front? It’s crazy!

Sorry about that tangent. I just don’t have much to say about Togo’s. I can make my own sandwiches; I can’t make a caramel frap.

Now, Starbucks. As the world’s largest coffee chain moves on, it must answer several questions: Are people dependent enough on coffee to keep voting for it? Did barely beating Java City show vulnerability? Did handily beating Togo’s show strength or just confirm that we all secretly hate ourselves when we buy sandwiches instead of making them?

We shall see.

Starbucks moves on to a Round 3 matchup against Round Table Pizza.

The matchup: Round Table Pizza vs. Gyro 2 Go

The result: Round Table Pizza (64.9 percent) defeats Gyro 2 Go (35.1 percent)

Analysis: This is the part of the Munch Madness documentary where Gyro 2 Go gets a round of applause for even trying. It basically got a bye in Round 1 against the Magikarp that is Hiraku Sushi, and now it gets to go out on its own terms by putting up no fight against pizza and beer.

Now, the real problem. Is Round Table Pizza good? It’s not the worst pizza out there, and it’s the only pizza on campus proper, a huge advantage because pizza is pizza. The same could be said for its Filling Four opponent, Starbucks, where coffee is coffee.

Round Table Pizza moves on to a Round 3 matchup against Starbucks.

Tomorrow: Who will move on to the final two? What part of the college student food pyramid will be lopped off between coffee, pizza and burritos? Will my prayers to Herky be answered, returning The Buzz to campus? Find out tomorrow, and vote in Round 3 today.

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