Sex is a large part of our culture. Sex sells and it’s exemplified in almost every ad, commercial or movie.

But what drives me crazy is all this sex talk makes people forget about the best part: foreplay.

It seems like when you finally get that person you’ve been vying for home and in bed, you are shocked to find the drive home lasts longer than the entire physical encounter.

Foreplay is the best part of being intimate; it is so much more than grinding up on someone while dancing and then rushing to get their clothes off as you struggle to look sexy while getting off yours.

The whole point of sex is to get your partner to the highest point of sexual pleasure, but rushing straight to sex is a complete mood-killer. You need to heighten the tension, create the desire to have sex and then prolong it.

The point of foreplay is to really make your partner want it, but then delay the sexual gratification to make them want it even more. It sounds dirty but your partner will be able to last longer and a “quickie” will turn into a long, sensual sex session.

Tantric foreplay is less giving head and more sensually relating to your partner. It’s about opening a connection to explore bodies and boundaries.

For example; while your partner lies or sits down, restrain their hands-in a gentle way. This will create a sense of submission for them; knowing you can do whatever you want to them while they sit in torture, waiting for your next move will increase passion and lust for the both of you. But please, keep it gentle – unless you are into that sort of thing and in that case, knock your socks off.

Blindfolds can also be fun. When the sense of sight is taken away, the other senses become heightened and your body becomes more sensitive. This will cause their skin to become more receptive and even the slightest touch of your hand will cause tingles down their spine. If you don’t have an actual blindfold, improvise – use a scarf or tie but make sure they can’t wiggle out of it. Nothing would be less sexy than if they regained sight while you are in some awkward position about to curb your foot fetish and lick their toes.

Kissing is another simple way to arouse your partner. Start at the neck and slowly make your way down their body and try to avoid their lips – it’ll only make the next kiss that much more amazing. Don’t stop in any particular place unless you plan to leave a hickey; if so, keep it hidden. Your partner looking like a leper with marks all over their neck is not cute, especially if it’s someone you just met.

However, hickeys and biting can be stimulating. Just make sure your partner is into rough foreplay otherwise they might throw you off of them after accusing you of trying to make them bleed. Keep in mind this types of “kisses” tend to leave a mark and you should keep a cold spoon handy to help get rid of the redness.

Rough foreplay is my personal favorite. It invokes passion, lust and dominance. Although, this type of foreplay is best reserved for someone you have been or intend to see for an extended period of time. The emotional connection will only add to the passion. Plus, trying to tie up a one-night-stand might make your partner feel like they are going to get their organs harvested and wake up in bathtub full of ice.

A sensual massage is also a great for breaking the touch barrier for the first-time lovers but also for partners who are looking to add some romance. Have your partner lay on their stomach, make sure they are comfortable and rub their body from head to toe. You don’t have to be a masseuse, just apply gentle pressure and slide your hands down. The lower back and upper thighs can be very stimulating so don’t be shy – get in there and touch their butt. If you still want to give more of a rubdown, have them flip over and rub their chest but note – there is a difference between rubbing the chest and groping. Don’t use this as an excuse to grab her breasts for the first time; she won’t like it.

Finally, make sure to set the mood, and the room, before your guest arrives. There is nothing worse than going through the massage and foreplay only to stop it all to create a setting. Now, I’m not saying light the candles and bust out the baby-making music. Light some incense: it’s an easy way to create a sexy vibe. Also, have your bed cleared and made; your partner doesn’t need to see those embarrassing stains. Close the blinds too; awkwardly stopping mid-way because you see your neighbor staring into your window is beyond creepy.

Lastly, shower – be clean. I can not stress this enough. There is nothing worse than getting all hot and heavy only to have the mood murdered due to a bad smelling body. Trust me, I know.

Ashley can be reached at: [email protected]