The fact some people play mind games with each other when searching for love is depressing. Rather than be sincere with our intentions and desires, too often we feel inclined to engage in a dance just to have that one guy or girl we want. Here’s the reality: There’s no need for games if both parties can win.

When men and women entertain the idea of a new relationship, they usually have to play a game first. Traditionally, this entails hiding your true feelings, not showing vulnerability and putting up a front to figure out your opponent. The goal, of course, is to have a personal win in the end, but there’s always an advantage to be had along the way.

Senior child development major Kia Yamamoto knew about the game. She said it was used for defense.

“You have to protect yourself. If you give up too much of yourself too soon, you could be hurt,” Yamamoto said.

Having to protect ourselves from an emotional beating has been a fact of life for years. The heartless souls of this planet are responsible for preserving it. One minute you think you’re really connecting with somebody, and the next you’re completely forgotten. It’s a lesson we all learn eventually.

Nobody wants to get hurt by being the sucker who was too open from the get-go. You could be exploited or manipulated, you might feel used or worthless and you could even be subject to shame if a situation doesn’t pan out well. These are the reasons why a lot of people act cold when they first meet someone and why they’ll play games. They’re probably thinking, “If anyone is going to lose, it’s not going to be me.”

Although games are nothing new in dating, they have grown more complex over the years.

Nowadays we’re able to connect with text messaging, Facebook and Twitter leading to more communication, and thus, more time to play with a person’s head. Since we can constantly stay in touch, our guards are up at all times against those who use these outlets to play their games. In short, the dating world is more vicious than ever.

Tharreus Williams, a senior international affairs major, attributed the more recent outbreak of mind games to age.

“It’s a generational thing. People were more upfront with each other in the past, but now there’s a push-pull dynamic,” Williams said. “Our generation is more prideful and has a bigger ego. Plus, we’re afraid of commitment.”

Sac State professor Lisa Harrison, who studies the psychology of gender, agreed with the generational theory about changes in dating rituals. She said there used to be a more standard way of courting someone and that being a couple was more formal. With attitudes becoming increasingly casual toward relationships, however, roles are no longer set in stone.

“Before, it was expected that a guy would ask a girl out on an official date and go from there. Now, there are no set rules as to how dating works. You could be sleeping with someone for a year and still not know if they’re your boyfriend or not,” Harrison said.

One thing’s for sure: This generation has abandoned true romance. Now we court each other with bitter tactics and a calculating mindset as if getting stabbed in the back is expected. When ambiguity is also a factor – as it usually is – then you have yourself a hell of a mess to weave through. Most everyone is too afraid to be their true selves initially and, as a result, wears a mask to play the field.

“It makes it hard to trust anyone because of the game,” said senior dance major Natalie Thrush.

I find it funny how we’ve made dating into a kind of sport. Since so many of us see it that way, let’s run with that logic.

Love is like boxing sometimes. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and take the hits as they come. If you’re knocked down, you got to muster up the courage and come back for another round. On the other hand, boxing requires strategy. That’s where we should leave the competitive edge behind and realize we’re dealing with real human emotions – something not to be taken lightly.

Whatever you plan to gain from a person, be straight up about it right off the bat. You could possibly find someone who’s looking for the same thing, which will cut out a lot of bulls— in building a meaningful relationship.

If you’re only interested in a one night stand or a prolonged fling, then say so. Your request might be denied, but at least you won’t be labeled as dishonest.

I think the best advice I’ve heard was to know yourself, know what you want and to be in tune with both of those. If you don’t want games in your life, then keep them out. It’s as simple as that.

 

Fabian can be reached at: [email protected]