There are three things I’ve come to expect from an old man- – bad knees, war stories, and the ability to blow babe Ruth’s legend way out of proportion.

The geezer will approach you with a huge cigar hanging from his mouth, uttering nonsense such as “Babe Ruth is the best damn hitter I’ve ever seen. If he got the chance to bat against Pedro Martinez, he would knock his first pitch into next week.”

Shut up old man! You don’t know what you’re talking about.

A Babe Ruth at bat against Pedro Martinez would consist of three mighty swings of the bat, and one long walk back to the bench.

The 40 thousand fans in attendance would wonder why they have spent their hard earned money to watch a fat slob make a fool of himself, when they could have witnessed the same pathetic scene by staring through the windows of their local Hometown Buffet.

And yes, any player who can have his role accurately portrayed by John Goodman is a fat slob in my book.

There is no way the Ruth could hang with today’s athletes. He would damn near crap his pants if he ever saw a 57-mile per hour Tom Candiotti knuckleball hopping towards him like a Mexican jumping bean.

If the “Great Bambino” played today, I would equate him to a fatter version of Matt Stairs. He could bat about .230 with maybe 20 homers.

Of course he would have to play in the American league, where he could sit on the bench and chew tobacco for three hours as a DH.

Yes old man, I am aware that Ruth hit 714 home runs with a .342 batting average over his 22 seasons in the big leagues. I am also aware that Ruth was quite possibly the best hitter of his time. But times change.

Over the past 70 years players have gotten, bigger, faster, smarter and better.

When Ruth was scarfing down hot dogs and drinking beers, Jason Giambi would be lifting weights and drinking protein shakes.

When Ruth was in his hotel suite with two girls, Andruw Jones would be?well, some things haven’t changed.