Doctors orders: A good argument with someone.

Arguing with another person can be a positive event if the resulting situation is one of understanding.

When people verbally disagree it is usually because they have conflicting opinions about how something is or should be. Yet, heated discussions can be handled so the results benefit both parties involved.

Sacramento State psychology professor Rebecca Cameron believes people who argue can use the disagreement to learn new things about one another or a specific situation.

“I think there are times when people disagree but those can be relationship strengthening in how you come back from it,” said Cameron. “Use the opportunity to forge a deeper understanding of where they are coming from.”

By turning a fight into an opportunity to discover new perspectives, neither person has to focus on the perceived mistakes. Instead, both people can attempt to identify common points or ways to compromise.

“One important ingredient [to a healthy discussion] is when the connection between the two people is maintained so [there is] empathy for the other person’s perspective,” said Cameron.

Sometimes when people argue, one person will close down all methods of communication with the reasoning that they are right and nothing else matters.

“Things that are problematic are expressing contempt. By invalidating and dismissing [opinions], it gives the message that their perspective is not worthy [of consideration],” said Cameron.

When people are upset or angry, the tendency to become defensive and lash out is higher, used as a way to protect their ideas and opinions.

“I tend to view anger as a signal trying to alert us [about an] opportunity to address something constructively,” said Cameron. “Disagree in a way that is respectful and acknowledges the other’s needs.”

Having constructive, productive arguments is not a skill that is taught in schools, but is one that can be helpful in navigating work, school and personal issues.

Biology and philosophy major Kia Seehafer thinks communication is key to a healthy relationship. Seehafer said being open about personal feelings is important to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

“I think screaming matches happen because [one person] misunderstands the other person. They think they’re getting mad so they get mad,” said Seehafer.

There are ways to keep discussions from escalating into loud disruptions but it can be challenging to get people to practice such methods.

Business major Elena Laplaca thinks people can have healthy arguments if they use rationality to fuel their communication.

“I think you need to stay calm and clearly state feelings without too much emphasis on yourself,” said Laplaca. “When the arguer is too focused on themselves, [they are] not open to other ideas.”

There is a common theme that calm, focused communication can be a solution to arguments that escalate into screaming matches, name-calling or uncommunicative silence.

“We have arguments too quickly when we’re too emotional,” said Laplaca. “Take a break [and] come back to it, then be more objective.”

Understanding where the other person is in their thoughts and emotions can reduce the level of tension in what might otherwise be a tense situation.