Go figure, men and women have different views on relationship satisfaction


300 dpi 6 col x 6 in / 295×152 mm / 1004×518 pixels Kerry Meyer color illustration of divorce: women and men pulling apart a wedding ring. The Kansas City Star 2004KEYWORDS: krtfeatures features krtnational national krtworld world krtfamily family krtrelationship relationship krt abogado aspecto aspectos disolucion del matrimonio divergenciadivorciarse divorce divorciar marriage battle sexes ring compromise divorcio grabado illustration ilustracion kc contributed lawyer meyer coddington separacion separar 2004 krt2004

Jonathan Ayestas

Kelly Abercrombie talks about her perspective on the dynamics of a male-female relationship:

Emotional satisfaction is different for men and women in long-term relationships because women need a good conversation and men need sex.

In a study published in the personality and social psychology bulletin, researchers said, “Men report putting more effort into sexually satisfying their partners and tend to focus more on the sexual aspects of the relationship, whereas women are more focused on the emotional aspects of the relationship.”

After hours of school, life tasks and work, every woman searches out a time to sit down, relax and talk about life. This task usually falls on their significant others when it should be shared with other women in their life, because women are different from men and are too talkative.

“For many women, emotional satisfaction from sex is better if there is also a conversation component in the relationship,” said communication studies professor Alexis Davidson. “However, sometimes women talk too much, as if the men are their girlfriends with the same need and interest in all the little details.”

According to a study conducted by Linda Waite and Kara Joyner in 2001,“for both men and women, time horizon and sexual exclusivity are more strongly tied to emotional satisfaction than they are to physical pleasure from sex, but sexual behavior has the same impact on emotional satisfaction as it does on physical pleasure.”

The longer you are with someone and how exclusive you are in a relationship makes you feel more emotionally satisfied than physical pleasure. Flirting and kissing can make you feel emotionally satisfied.

“Even though the honeymoon stage was over a long time ago, we’ve grown and matured significantly,” said married alumna Erin Mincks. “The longer people are together, the more tough times they’ll go through, which tends to bring them closer.”

After spending time doing the same tasks, men usually seek out the computer to play a video game or watch a sporting event on TV. In the end, most men seek out sexual interactions to feel close to their significant other, not an afternoon talking about life.

“Men tend to talk about ideas, events, work, sports, and so on,” Davidson said. “Research [Adler and Proctor, Looking Out, Looking In, p. 280] shows that women generally need these conversations, whereas men enjoy them without feeling a strong need,”

A man’s emotional satisfaction can be obtained through sex. Senior economics major Joaquin Iniguez, it should be obtained through “great sex,” implying not just any sex will do.

This dichotomy between men and women is the reason they get into fights. When your woman says, “you do not listen to me,” and when your man says, “hey lets have sex tonight,” these are both outcries for emotional satisfaction.

We are all individuals with different wants, needs and desires, but when emotional satisfaction is desired and not obtained, the outcome in the end is often a fight.

“Females like to be desired and want to feel equal. Many guys can be selfish and worry about themselves so it’s important for us girls to verbalize what we want, before we start to resent the whole sex thing as a whole. It can go from enjoyable to ‘it’s all about you, isn’t it?’ real quick,” said Mincks.

Men and women enter relationships because they enjoy the other person. Longevity of a relationship takes work and over time it evolves, so maintaining emotional satisfaction for both individuals will maintain and strengthen a relationship for the long run.

Jonathan Ayestas gives a perspective on the same type of relationship:

Women are just as lustful as men are, but they are more covert about it with subtle body language and ways they dress on a date night.

Although sports, intimate moments and television can get men through the day, people fail to realize that men, after spending extended lengths of time with their lover, tend to become emotionally softer and less hard-headed.

Friends of mine will start watching movies like “Burlesque” or “A Walk to Remember” to willingly please their woman. One minute, you are celebrating Taco Tuesday with your bro and the next, he spends the big bucks taking her to Maggiano’s after spending the day at her family’s house.

You are probably assuming the guy is just looking to get his needs satisfied, and while it may be true, there is also a chance the girl has similar intentions.

Especially with long-term relationships, one has to understand that sex is a mutual act, enjoyed by both participants. Sure, the guy is more open about it, but women can be suggestive about their desires too.

I remember reading sex tips in a Cosmopolitan magazine at one point in high school, and to my dismay, found some shocking pointers for women, made by women, to try in bed. I used to think I had obscene demands until I found out a girl who read Cosmo would try to tickle my feet with their breasts.

We can agree that couples have different ways of communicating, but they all share one similar connection. If for one minute we can forget the stereotypes of men being horndogs and women being needy, then one can see clearly that everyone likes sex – not just guys. So there is no point in looking down upon requests a man makes to his woman and vice-versa.

A Huffington Post article by Nina Bahadur said that previous research has found people with higher sexual desires are generally more satisfied with their relationship, proving sex drives should be acknowledged by both sides instead of demonizing men for being open about what they want.

Alexander Vargas and Jaclyn Franco, sweethearts since 2013 and freshman psychology majors, both feel that sex is not the only thing keeping their relationship going.

“It happens, but it’s not totally important to us,” Vargas said. “If we weren’t having sex, I’d still be with her. Honestly, I just feel better around her. She’s one of those people who understands me.”

Franco said Vargas gives her the attention she needs, without sex being the premise for their day-to-day lives.

Vargas said he knew the relationship was more than just lust when they were laying in bed one time talking for hours before going to sleep, sans sex.

“Relationships work when you want to build something better,” Vargas said. “If you’re in it for just sex, you’re not going to be in a long-term relationship.”

Sex is good – no lie there. But people should understand both partners are allowed to openly make offers. And a man will go great lengths for his woman as he tumbles erratically in love.