Last week, some Aggie hooligans vandalized our campus with permanent markers and chalk. Among the stinging pieces of rhetoric found across the campus were “Suck State” and “A hornet is a glorified bee.”

What an epic prank. Rod Farva from “Super Troopers” is insanely jealous.

Our sides are still literally splitting from the hilarious and zany Aggie antics.

However, the Hornet football team did their talking on the field and beat the Aggies on their home turf. The embarrassing defeat for Davis was the first time they lost in the Causeway Classic at home since 1996.

Unfortunately for Davis, Sacramento State not only won the Causeway Classic, but Mother Nature’s rainstorms and facilities management’s efforts wiped Davis’ presence away from our beloved campus.

While the Hornet in no way condones Davis’ lack of respect for our campus, we can empathize with how wretched and depressing it must be to live in that horrible place they are forced to call home.

It’s understandable that the meatheads and sluts at Davis need to act out their juvenile impulses, but at least make your quips clever.

The liberal, trust-fund babies at Davis are really making the most of mommy and daddy’s investment.

Clearly, Davis is a sad institution whose greatest gift to the professional sports world was a mediocre quarterback who can’t even get playing time for one of the worst teams in professional sports.

For anyone who doesn’t understand the legendary suckage of the city of Davis, the Hornet offers five words: Picnic Day and Toad Hollow.

Picnic day is a day in which unwashed hippies and idealistic college students gather around every nook and cranny in the city and leave a wealth of litter behind, despite Davis’ reputation as an eco-conscious city.

The Toad Hollow was constructed in 1995 to help indigenous toads migrate and not risk getting killed in busy traffic.

To call Davis a toilet is an insult to toilets everywhere, as toilets at least have water that’s suitable for drinking.

Jordan Guinn can be reached at [email protected]