The Beijing Olympics 2008: Something that we can all relate to. We, as Americans, are taking part in the worldwide games in one way or another. Whether you are an athlete competing, family or friends of a competing athlete, or just an observer, the games have had an effect on us.

Along with the spirit of rooting for our own red, white and blue is something else that we all have in common – noticing some of the ridiculous comments that the announcers make. We are only blessed with the joys of hearing their blunt humor for two weeks every two years, so here are some of the highlights that have been made this time around:

1) While enjoying watching the men’s gymnast competition, I was educated of the true point of adolescence – well, at least adolescence in Germany.

Four years ago, “he was wearing great little eyeglasses. He looked like such a little boy. Now, that has all changed.”

Oh! So it’s the transition from eyeglasses to contacts that does the trick. Apparently that sex-ed stuff I was taught in junior high doesn’t call it.

2) Men’s diving was another example that people grow older as time passes. This was proven by the fact that four years ago USA diver Thomas Finchum was “hanging on by the hair of his chinny chin chin. Though he didn’t have any? he’s matured beautifully?and look at those long lines.”

What does this even mean? It’s time to hush now, miss announcer. You’ve seemed to have gotten yourself into a pickle.

3) Women’s springboard was intense. I mean, it was so intense that the announcers had to use a “Little Rascals” reference to describe the wonders of gravity with China’s diver, Guo Jingjing. Announcer One: “Her ponytail is even trained.” Announcer Two: “Alfalfa Guo.”

Let me repeat: The announcers were discussing the alignment of her ponytail with the rest of her body and were fathomed by how it went up when she went down!

OK, so the last three quotes were focused around appearance. But other times the announcers also have a certain way of stating the obvious. I understand that much of it is used as fillers so that they do not lose the attention of the consumer, but please! Sometimes it’s just better to keep quiet.

1) After USA female gymnast Nastia Luken had completed yet another exercise, the announcers must have been surprised with the way she carried herself. “That was a definitive walk.”

Isn’t everybody’s walk a definitive one?

2) When China’s top male gymnast took a nasty fall off of the rings during competition, the announcer made a comment that spoke genius.

“He must have whiplash.” You don’t say.

3) How about this one for laughs and giggles: “China wants to lead.”

HELLO! Doesn’t everyone? It’s a competition!

4) My favorite obvious statement of them all is when it was described in one short, sweet sentence as to what the Olympic judges are on the lookout for.

Apparently they are looking for “style, grace, and over-all impression.” Good point announcer, hence the title “judge.”

Some of the announcers pretend to be the judges themselves and state things as though they are fact even if they are assumptions. Like when the announcer put in her scoring for David Boudia of the USA men’s diving team.

“And the reason why he won’t be receiving many nines on the board is because his feet are flat? It just doesn’t please the judges.”

He then received six scores of 9.0.

I suggest that we just stick to what we know: the athlete keeps competing; the judges keep judging; the announcers keep announcing; and I’ll keep criticizing. Beautiful. I wonder what comments the announcers will be able whip up in two years.

Sarah Kay Hannon can be reached at [email protected]