There’s a formula to it. It’s not an exact science, but it may be the closest thing that we males have. Five days for every month. Learn it, live it, know it, as Judge Reinhold has inspirationally taught us.

You’re wondering what space/time continuum I’m referring to, but it’s much easier than any physics equation you’ve ever stared blankly at. Your friend’s ex-girlfriend’s availability is the question. To think that everyone your friend has dated is off-limits forever is blasphemous. Why should his failures and shortcomings put restrictions on your life? Why should your possibilities decrease because of his actions? They shouldn’t.

So I think the question is not whether she’s off limits, but for how long she’s off limits after the break-up. I think that’s something we can all agree on. Enter the aforementioned formula. If your friend and his not-so-significant other dated for a month, you wait five days to make your move. If they were together for six months, circle 30 days from now on your calendar. Sounds so simple, right? But despite the ease of the formula, there are unforeseen problems that can arrive when applying this equation to real life situations.

First, the beginning of the relationship must be defined. Because this is next to impossible, we’ll tag the first date as its beginning, as long as it lasts the one-month probationary period. Any “relationship” that doesn’t reach this benchmark voids the need to implement the formula because, generally, feelings toward the other haven’t developed to the relationship standard.

Second, we naturally need to establish the end of the relationship and thus the start of the waiting period. Because this is just as difficult as marking the beginning, we’ll say that a breakup happens once one of the parties plans a night out on the town to celebrate his or her freedom ahead. It is from this day that the waiting period shall commence.

The picture becomes clouded, however, with lingering feelings and emotional fallouts and the on again, off again nature of human indecisiveness. When the relationship has taken this turn, the waiting period will reset every time the two apologize to one another for past wrongs or regrets. Although this may be a tedious and arduous process for you, it’s something that can’t be ignored or overlooked.

But every rule has its exceptions, and one in this case is the closeness of the relationship to your friend. There are best friends, good friends, buddies and acquaintances. You may want to use caution when “boinking” your best friend’s ex, and possibly alter the equation to seven to 10 days for every month. Conversely, you may throw it into the wind when dealing with mere acquaintances and lower it to two to three days. Use discretion either way.

And the last factor in this infallible measure of logic is the burden of dropping the news on your friend. It’s a looming task that becomes more daunting the more time passes. That’s why it’s better to let her to do it and sit back and react to his reaction, rather than instigating the whole thing. After all, she’s the one who just went after her ex’s best friend….And how low is that?

Josh Huggett can be reached at [email protected]