The purpose of financial aid is to financially intercede on a college student’s behalf, to help carry the financial burden of a university education for students who would not be able to attend college otherwise. I believe in the concept of financial aid but have yet to personally experience the benefit of it. I have always been unduly overlooked. College students lay in an awkward “in-between” phase from using their undergraduate degree as a catalyst to transition out of the working poor into a more substantive standard of living.

That “in-between” phase is very frustrating because the degree is what counts. Sacramento State, along with every college in this country, has collectively decided to make getting financial aid harder than any of their course work.

I am a first-generation college student who, on paper, qualifies for the benefits of financial aid but have never been a recipient of such aid. To me, financial aid is like an urban legend. As a white male struggling to put myself through college, the reality of financial aid to me has always been on the periphery. But I’m not one to dwell on things that are out of my control, so I did the next best thing: worked really hard with no financial assistance. Here I am today, graduating with my undergraduate degree in a couple of months, feeling so independent and free of debt, and something horrible happens: I run out of money!

You see, I opted to be on the tuition payment plan, and when I received my notice in the mail of my next installment and due dates, my stomach turned upside down internalizing the fact that I have no idea where that money is going to come from. So, as someone who has managed to budget enough to be debt free as a graduating senior, I begin coping with the fact that I will need to take out a loan to finish my last semester. I go to the financial aid office located in Lassen Hall where they always have at least one attendant available during peak hours and stand in line. Visiting the Financial Aid Office becomes an experience comparable to when friends of mine camped out the night before to try to get movie tickets to “Star Wars: Episode 1” … with the same disappointing outcome.

I realized that in order to get a loan, you need the FAFSA filed. My misunderstanding was that it was helpful for loans but only necessary for grants: my bad. I gave up on that overcomplicated form when I realized my longing for government money was a lost cause. That form is similar to doing my taxes, but worse because it requires that not only have I completed and filed my taxes, but my parents have too: can you say suicide attempt? So in order for me to receive a small loan in the last semester of my senior year, I needed to file a late FAFSA based on my 2002-2003 tax information. I don’t even remember 2002-2003.

So I did all of that and about a gallon of sweat, blood and tears later, I sit and await approval to get permission to borrow money that I’ll pay back. I figure it would be proactive to take up another job and be resilient in my financial endeavors, and on-campus jobs were the most natural option. But, $7 an hour? Are you kidding? I haven’t made $7 an hour since I was popping my pimples at my first job my sophomore year of high school.

It amazes me the employment options afforded to potential college graduates on this campus: How do you spell degrading? But nonetheless, I get another job on-campus and patiently wait. Like many college students, nothing stresses me out more than finances. I get really ugly overnight: my face breaks out and my eyes get bloodshot and I run around like those freaks in “28 Days Later.” And here I am today, still hoping to see if my financial aid epic will indeed unfold with a favorable ending.

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Austin Phillips can be reached at [email protected]