Faster than Rumpelstiltskin spun wool into gold, a capitalist western phenomenon transformed thoughtfulness, expression and genuine emotion into jewelry, cards and candy.

The phenomenon is Valentine’s Day, and its primary motive is money.

Since when does being broke constitute a ban on affection?

“I think sincere homemade gifts like poems are nice,” said sophomore Teresa Hibbard.

Poems are great, that is, if you can write; don’t just copy and paste off the Internet.

Whatever you do, do not say to your loved one, “So, what do you want for Valentine’s Day?”

Thought is everything. And that means taking initiative.

29-year-old senior Samantha Washington said there are a lot of things a man could do to make her feel special on Valentine’s Day without spending a lot of money.

“He needs to use his creativity,” Washington said.

Samantha suggests constructing a homemade coupon book for your significant other to “redeem” with you (perhaps in the bedroom).

And please, if you include a massage coupon, make sure you intend to make it last longer than five minutes.

My friend’s boyfriend formed a scavenger hunt. He told her to meet him at the place they first met (a gym). When she got there a note was taped to the door directing her to their favorite sushi restaurant. The sushi chef gave my friend a letter telling her to go to her parent’s house. She ultimately ended up back at her place, where he had dinner waiting for her in the backyard. The yard was decorated to recreate this camping trip they went on. Then he proposed.

Well, your friend’s boyfriend certainly set the threshold high!

Some people aren’t so lucky.

“I remember when I got my first apartment, and I thought my baby’s father and I were going to do something special, because we had discussed it earlier that day. When I got off work I sat in my apartment waiting and waiting, watching all these corny Valentine’s Day shows on TV, waiting. He finally came home at 6 a.m.! It was the worst Valentine’s Day ever,” said 24-year-old stylist Nicole Fisher.

Oh no! You should have bolted the door and left him a thin blanket on the porch.

Fortunately, Fisher had a pleasant encounter three years later. That is, post baby-daddy:

“The best Valentine’s Day I ever experienced was when my boyfriend Chris (now ex-boyfriend) came to my salon and gave me roses in front of everybody,” Fisher said. “It was so thoughtful, and I just felt like that’s exactly what I would have wanted in a Valentine.”

Are we getting the picture folks?

Thought is everything.

Considering that it would be useful to include a male perspective, I decided to consult my dear friend James Holder, 27.

So what do men want on Valentine’s Day?

According to Holder, it doesn’t take much.

“All I would want is some attention.”

That’s it? Attention? And all along I was thinking about that new X-Box game.

Thanks James, you’re always a big help.

But I still wondered how much a guy, who told me his last Valentine’s Day celebration occurred over 10 years ago in high school, would know about what a woman would want.

“Well if I had no money I would start by making her breakfast in the morning,” Holder said. “If she had to go to work that day I would run her bath water, making sure it was just right. Balloons are pretty cheap, so I might send some to her job. When she came home I would make her dinner and give her a massage.”

Forget the money, James. Stick with that!

And by the way, where were you when I was in high school?

So if you want to avoid a blank face during a Valentine ritual, make sure your effort is symbolic of your affection.

But if you’re really eager to wipe out your savings account, I recommend a top-notch bed and breakfast place in Sacramento called the Inn at Parkside. It’s gorgeous! Reserve a suite called Happiness. The exquisite far eastern decor, Jacuzzi tub for two, fireplace, bar and room service is sure to impress. You can even get facials, massages, wine and chocolate-covered strawberries delivered to your room.

It’s up to you.