Once upon a time there were men. Real men. They were providers, with strong jaws and broad shoulders, and they didn’t cry. We saw them in Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne and Sean Connery, and we wanted them all.

And then there were women. Women without the right to vote, without equal pay, still stuck at home with the kids, and we wanted men to share the load, their feelings and their power. We didn’t realize how far we would come.

Equality is all fine and dandy when it comes to everyday scenarios, but when it comes to sexual chemistry, we still want our men to be masculine. In the age of metrosexuality, women are being forced to accept, and be attracted to, heterosexual men who love to shop, primp and shave more than just their face. These poor, confused men took our requests for equality and ran with them … straight to the mall.

“She wants me to care about my appearance? OK, I’ll dress better than she does.” Ah, it must be their competitive nature.Our men have become sensitive, in aprons and rubber gloves, running after the kids. They watch Oprah … and they cry. Just look at our male icons today: Ben Affleck, Colin Farrell and Johnny Depp?

Bruce Willis, with his sensitive, tough-guy roles, is the most masculine thing we’ve got left. Even on television, every family sitcom has a male figure that’s overpowered and outsmarted by his female counterpart (i.e. “Everybody Loves Raymond”). It may be the truth, but it’s not sexy.

Of course, there are benefits to this redefined masculinity we’ve created. Equality has always been the goal, and we have truly reached a point where stereotypes are broken and both men and women are free to take on whichever role they choose.

Unfortunately, after more and more men are being raised by women, socialized by women, and all-around molded by women, they’re taking on the role we hadn’t expected. We’re baffled in our relationships, wondering why our men have no ambition and why they’re the weaker partner in the relationship. Many women just aren’t comfortable with the inequality shifting to their benefit.We wanted those Marlon Brando — strong men, but we didn’t want to be them. We wanted men to be sensitive, but we still wanted them to be strong. It’s a double standard that we’ve been struggling with in relationships. Men should treat us as equals and respect our abilities, but they should open our doors and pay for our meals at the same time. Is that so much to ask?

It can be masculine and sexy for a man to do housework, and certainly for a man to be an active father, but only when he still looks like a man. A man wearing an apron over his strong chest and tailored suit is sexy because there’s a contrast between the gentle apron and his glaring masculinity. A man wearing an apron over his slim fit pants and even slimmer frame has lost all signs of typical masculinity and all sex appeal, as well.

Oh, you poor men. It’s not fair to ask so much of you and to confuse you like we have. But what can we say; we want the best of both worlds. We want you to be strong and masculine, and we want you to respect our abilities and treat us as equals, as well. You’ve taken this whole sensitivity thing way too far; we can hardly tell which men play for what team anymore.

Sure, you don’t have to comply. You go right ahead and wear your jewelry and dab on your makeup. There’s one power that women have always had over men, assuming you’re still straight and all, and that power is in the bedroom. Awe, c’mon now big guy, don’t cry.