Julie Harju

State Hornet

The first week of school is filled with beginnings8212; newclasses start, books are cracked, and students begin eyeing theirclassmates. Everyone can admit up front that even if they’re”taken’, there’s nothing wrong with checking outthe broody, artistic-looking guy in the back row and wondering whathe would look like naked…or how it would feel to screw himin the elevator between classes. As long as it’s only afantasy, significant others can have no cause to complain.

The first week is filled with fantasies8212; two hot chickssit next to you and images of threesomes begin dancing in yourhead, with you in the middle. Sure, next week you might find outone of them is totally in love with her high school sweetheart, theother one a lesbian, or just flat out not interested in you. Butfor now, the idea that one or both of them may have pierced nipplesor a tongue ring can have you holding your binder in front of youwhile exiting the class, as if you were flashing back to juniorhigh.

So what’s the harm in indulging in a little erotica whilethe professor drones on about syllabi, required texts, and thelike? Aside from a little blushing three weeks from now when youget paired up with the guy whose washboard abs made you all tinglythe first week8212; nothing. Most people do a little fantasizingnow and again anyway, and those who say they don’t areprobably lying. So forget about being guilty, and just enjoy beinghuman. It doesn’t make you a pervert or a weirdo just thatyou like the idea of his breath on the back of your neck themorning after an imaginary hookup. Unless you memorize his scheduleand follow him to classes that you’re not in, at which pointyou’ve entered forbidden territory and should seekprofessional help immediately.

Of course, everyone has a different way of creating fantasies.The romantic may picture a muscled classmate in a Fabio-likescenario, with hair blowing wildly as he caresses and gentlynibbles. The romantic might love a man who spends enough time atthe gym to look so ripped, but still has a tender side, at least inthe fantasy. A more practical sort might just dream of bendingsomeone over the hood of their car in the parking lot. Perhapsthose with a rich imagination insert leatherwear into theirscenario, reminiscent of Lucy Liu in the first”Charlie’s Angels” movie, when she whips theengineer-types into shape. Oooh, barracuda.

So now we’ve got all these fantasies going, harmlesslittle diversions to prevent any kind of education whatsoever fromsinking in. If you’re single, the next step is introduction.It may be a little hard to approach someone who’s beenlicking your inner thigh in your imagination, so banish thosethoughts before handing out your pick-up line. In fact, save thatuntil you see how things go. In a few weeks you could be whisperingsweet nothings into Sweetcheeks’ ear, saying how when youfirst saw her, all you wanted to do was sweep books and papershaphazardly off the desk and throw her down on top of it.She’ll appreciate it, for posterity and all. If the pick-upline is met with a less-than-favorable response, you’llalways have the desktop fantasy to keep you warm in the long wintermonths until Christmas break.

Perhaps you actually do get to indulge in the exact fantasy youfirst had when you saw the guy in Philosophy, so sexy with hiscrooked smile and delectable-looking lips. It might not be up toyour standards8212;in reality, his broad shoulders don’tcompensate for his halitosis and general lack of hygiene. In thatcase, revert to original fantasy and continue your enjoyment solo,with no bothersome breath or bad musical taste to mar thepleasure.

Whatever your desire, fantasies are best indulged before you getto know and respect a person, thus making the first few weeks ofclasses ideal. After that, you may discover that although the girlin the seat next to you could be Angelina Jolie’s bodydouble, her personality is on par with a loaf of bread. And theFabio-like muscle man? Well, we all know aboutovercompensating.