“I promise I’ll call you everyday whenever I have the time,” I say to my boyfriend. “Don’t forget about me.” I walk away from him for what will be the first time that we will be more then a 15-minute drive from each other. Secretly though, as I walk away I think about all the fun that he will be having without me, the things he could be doing with his friends and then about how I’ll never know. Words that my guy friends have told me run through my head only to bounce around and never really leave. “He’ll cheat on you the first chance he’ll get,” or “He has needs too, you know.” I refuse to believe them that my boyfriend of 12 months will cheat on me or even really think about it. I could just be stupid, but he wouldn’t cheat on me, after all he loves me, right?

Going away to school puts a tough strain on our relationship. It makes having time for each other to having no time at all. Before it was just the fact that he has two jobs and school to worry about, while all I had was school, a job and my social life. I’m not saying he didn’t have a social life too, but it’s so much harder to have one with so many other things going on. It was hard enough for him to make enough time for me, but now, with me a little over an hour away, his life just got that much harder. He’s always telling me how he wishes there were more hours in the day so he could fit everything in that he needed to get done.

There will be times at night where I wish that I could just call him up and ask him to come over. Maybe I could even show up at his apartment just to see him. Or those times when I get a call from him and I can just tell that something is wrong. I know there is no way for me to be there in person to comfort him like I would like to. I sit there in my bed with the phone up to my ear for hours just listening to what’s been going on in his life, wishing that I were there to be more of a support system for him. I know he’s glad that I’m in college and that I’m following my dreams but I wish he was closer so I could go to him directly when I have a problem or just need to talk.-

I’m jealous of those women who can still go to their boyfriend’s houses 15 minutes away to see them. They still get to see their boyfriend’s everyday and whenever they want. I want to be able to get out of a class call my boyfriend and tell him I’ll be right over. Or go over and stay the night so I could use his shower in the morning instead of the ones in the dorms. I want to be able to have my new friends meet him and hang out with us at his place. It sucks that all my new friends get to see their honeys so much more then I get to see mine. –

With this distance between us it’s like we now live in two separate worlds. His life is in one place and mine is in another. I have no clue what he is doing at home or who he is hanging out with. He could be hanging out with some other girl every night in the bars drinking away, he would never have to tell me because I would never know. He could be taking her out and buying her things, while I’m in my dorm hanging out with friends, thinking he is at work. I guess this is where the whole trust issue comes in. I do trust him, but I still worry that he is going to forget about me or even decide that he doesn’t want to do this whole long distance relationship thing anymore. I know that he would tell me when he’s had enough or when he wants to call it quits, but it still scares me and I still question what he is doing at home every night and whom he is with.

-Sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been better to have just called it quits before I came to school. That way I wouldn’t worry about him cheating on me or doing something that he would never want me to know about. I guess it goes both ways, since I am in a new city with new friends still meeting new people. He could be worried about me doing the same things that I worry he will do. In the end I guess it all boils down to the fact that we both have to trust each other. We need to talk about what’s been going on and how we are doing, that way neither of us feel left out or forgotten in any way.