This week I realized I was born with a disease that most peopledon’t see as deadly. It’s called left-handedness, andone out of ten people has it.

The doctors say not to worry, but I don’t want to take anychances if my life is at stake.

Studies have shown that lefties die at a younger age and aremore prone to accidents. Perhaps these statistics have something todo with right-handed people conducting the tests. Of course theywould alter the information8212;it’s in their favor to tellus we aren’t as worthy.

Lefties have to learn early that they need to develop skills tofunction in a world designed for right-handed people.

Language sets the stage for discrimination against lefties. Noone wants to hear a “left-handed compliment.” TheEnglish word “sin” comes from the Latin”sinistra,” a reference to the left side. The Frenchword “gauche,” like “sinistra” alsotranslates to left. In English, “gauche” means sociallyawkward or clumsy.

There has been a conspiracy against left-handers for ages and itcontinues today.

Most lefties learn to adapt by becoming ambidextrous becausethey are forced to live in a world that caters to right-handedpeople. But even ambidextrous literally means, “bothright.” There’s no escaping it, fellow lefties:We’re doomed.

Moving from language barriers into the college classroom,left-handed awkwardness becomes more obvious.

We never get a good seat in a lecture hall because there are fewdesks made for left-handed people.

You’ll find two left-handed desks among 30, ifyou’re lucky. You can definitely count on lefty desks tostand out with gaudy colors and missing screws. No one else wouldwant to sit there, believe me.

I give props to any lefty who can write without smearing ink allover the page or his or her hand. Writing legibly in a three-ringbinder is even more impossible.

It gets worse when us lefties are constantly reminded of ourterminal condition. The last thing we need is sympathy from aright-handed person. We know we’re weird. We don’t needyou to confirm our condition with illegitimate statistics that youheard from your first grade teacher, who told you all about thestrange talents we possess.

Lefties don’t like it when you question us when we lookconfused, either. Most likely, we’re planning how we can bestaccommodate right-handers. We plan where to sit at the dinner tableso our elbows don’t bump and cause your fork to stab you inthe face.

Lefties are aware that material objects made specifically forleft-handers cost an arm and a leg because they are considered”specialty” items. Since everyone would rather you giveyour right arm in exchange for goods, this could work to alefty’s advantage.

Finding sporting equipment for lefties at reasonable prices islike going hunting without a dog or gun. That’s becauseshooting a rifle with the left hand will take half your face off.And dogs, well, they are right hand men.

It’s a shame that lefties must conform the right way, aswe rarely have a choice but to use something designed forright-handers.

It’s almost impossible for lefties to use power saws,unless they prefer blindness from sawdust and a few missingfingers.

Other items like camcorders, computer keyboards and mice,bicycle gears, golf clubs, cameras and most musical instruments aredesigned for right-handed people. It requires a tremendous amountof patience, planning and wealth for a left-handed person to livein a planet of non-left conformity.

Perhaps calling political liberals left-wing is our only truecompliment. Also, some of the most creative geniuses are lefties.Look at Ludwig Van Beethoven, Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci,Michelangelo, Benjamin Franklin and Isaac Newton. Jimi Hendrix evenfigured out how to string a Stratocaster upside-down.

These men are only a handful of the world’s left-handedgeniuses, and many more are coming out. Lefties have proven theirbrilliance throughout history and have many right-handed peoplerunning scared.

I think they have fear that we might take over the planet. Afterall, there is a lefty born every minute.

Has Angela left you feeling right? Send comments [email protected]