In 1997, Jodie Foster’s Ellie Arroway of “Contact”said something about mathematics being the only universal language.Simplicity would suggest that combining mathematics with, say, theworld of movies doesn’t quite work too well.

The trailer for the first “Legally Blonde” was utterlystupid. It looked like Reese Witherspoon was on some sort ofego/acid trip that involved a lot of pink. But as embarrassinglydumb as the trailer seemed, the movie was fantastic.

Math suggests that for “Red, White and Blonde,” thetrailer for which is twice as air-headed as the first movie’strailer, would be twice as good. Maybe there’s some corollary Ishould theorize with some mathematicians/film buffs.

The dumbest Reese Witherspoon movie since “CruelIntentions” has Elle Woods, law graduate and member of aprestigious law firm. In order to plan the perfect wedding, allfamily must be present, including pet dog Bruiser’s mother, who isin an animal-testing lab of one of her firm’s clients.

Naturally, Elle is fired for her good intentions. She decides todo the right thing, go to Washington D.C. and rid the United Statesof America of all animal testing. With cutthroat politics, awedding to plan and the outfit to wear for the next day hanging inthe balance (or, her closet), she’s got her work cut out forher.

I’d like to say, “What on earth was Reese thinking?”But in suffering through “Blonde 2,” I can answer that bysaying to her, “You did your best, honey, I feel foryou.” Because acting stupid and smart to rightfully win thehearts of your audience really is something to aspire to. It’s ahard job. Even harder when the people who write your material arebrain dead.

I won’t name any names, but I will say that when thedirector and writers weren’t even attached to the first film in thefirst place, that’s a big warning signal. And, by the way, thewriters were on the staff of the Fran Drescher television insanity,”The Nanny.” That would explain the lack of intelligencefrom my writing, because I lost more brain cells watching”Blonde 2″ than the occasional alcoholic beverage.

For this much ragging, why 1.5 stars? Well, Reese really did doher best. The personality and attitude that made the first movierise above what would have otherwise been another drop in thebucket is shining through here. Veteran actresses Sally Field andDana Ivey do their best with the material, with Field seeming likeshe’s about to scream out, “You like me, you really likeme!” at any given moment. Relax girl, this is Reese’s time.Team up with Burt Reynolds sometime, and then we’ll talk.

Goodness sakes, get Luke Wilson a decent movie, for the love ofPete. “Old School” does not count as a “Luke Wilsonmovie.” If he’s so damn good, why isn’t he carrying a flick onhis shoulders? Get him a “Grosse Pointe Blank” orsomething, material that can capitalize on his moderate demeanor.If I have to see him playing second banana to the lead actor oractress, or to his own supporting cast again, I might have to lobbyharder for brother Owen.

On to the DVD. What can I say, it’s one of those caseswhere if we went by how beautiful the picture was and howgloriously sonorous the, well, sound was, this movie would rock. Sowhile tech make not a DVD altogether, this is one smashingdisc.

The special features are about as honest to the movie as can be.In other words, there’s not much to write home about. Thecommentary sucks, the documentaries suck harder, the deleted scenesaren’t that good, and the only thing at all palatable is thetrailers.

And while theatrical trailers are always a guilty pleasure, goodmovie or bad, it’s not really an indication of positivity whenthat’s the only worthwhile bit on the disc.

In closing, I would like to mention there is one other thingthat’s “tight” about this disc. The artificial shot of Reese/Ellesmiling with a flower in her hair with the White House in thebackground is one to die for. It’s just cute. And the only reasonto own this. Reese, is you ever get into another mucky thing,please let it be in a vat of melted Reese’s Peanut ButterCups.ELgal