Dear Cyndi Says: My longtime friend just recently brokeup with her boyfriend. Ever since then, her ex-boyfriend has beencalling me daily and being very physically flirty around me. I’mless than interested in him and I’ve made this very clear. I’vetold him that he needs to stop getting all in my space andrepeatedly asked him to just stop touching me all the time, but hedoesn’t take the hint. I never return his calls, but we have mutualfriends so it’s almost impossible to avoid seeing him. How do I gethim to realize that his attention is un-welcome? -Want My SpaceBack

Dear Want My Space Back: Sounds like this guy has a hard timeunderstanding the word “no.” Many times people need to havesomething spelled out to them. Being blunt, straightforward andhonest is the best way to get a message across.

This thick-headed guy could possibly even be interpretingyour comments as a flirtatious “no” and may think that you enjoyhis attention. Next time this happens, I would suggest for you tobe as forward and stern in your response as you can. Say somethingalong the lines of, “Hey, listen. I am not sure why you keeptouching me, but I want you to stop! It makes me uncomfortable andI am just not interested in you.” Saying this, while making directeye contact, will send a crystal clear message.

I would also inform him that his persistence is notbenefiting him in the least and the more he ignores your request,the less likely it will be that you will ever have any sort of aninterest in him, even as a friend or acquaintance.

If he still doesn’t get it, maybe a male mutual friend thatyou have could clue him in for you. This will show him that you arenot the only one who thinks his behavior is out of line, andhearing it from a male’s perspective may carry a little bit moreweight. If he calls you continuously, consider changing your numberor having his number blocked from your phone. Dealing with cluelesspeople can be such a headache.

Dear Cyndi Says: There is this girl that lives in thesame apartment complex as I do. She is beautiful and I finally gotthe courage to ask her out. I am not experienced in the datingfield, as a matter of fact, I have never had a girlfriend. We had awonderful time on our first date but then she threw me off andasked if she could come into my apartment. I was not prepared forthis in any way, but I invited her in. I was so flustered so I puton some music and as it turns out, we had a dance together. I askedher if I could kiss her and she shook her head “no”. I didn’tpersist any further, but I asked for her to stay a little longer.She said she had to get going and I then walked her to her door. Itold her I had a great time and asked if she would like to do thisagain. She replied with, “maybe next week.”

I haven’t heard from her since and I am afraid that I may haveoffended her in some way. I don’t want to suffocate her but I wanther to know I didn’t mean to offend her. How do I bring things backto good terms? -First Time Dater

Dear First Time Dater: It sounds like things went well for afirst date. You asking to kiss her may have offended her, but asyou said, you didn’t push the issue so that should make her feel alittle more at ease.

If you feel this may be the case, you could leave a rose onher door (not a red one, but maybe yellow as it representsfriendship and isn’t implying anything too much) with a note thattells her you greatly enjoyed the night you spent with her.Let her know you weren’t prepared to invite her in and this leftyou a little flustered. Try to include that you think you may haveoffended her and reassure her that you didn’t intend this in anyway. Ask if she may be interested in trying again and she cancontact you if she would like.

Doing this leaves things on good terms and you don’t feelthat you were misunderstood. Let the ball stay in her court andwait for her to respond. She will do so if she feelscomfortable.

Cyndi Warner is a psychology major with experience as anonline counselor. Send your questions to: Cyndi Says [email protected]. Please include your name and phonenumber. All questions will remain anonymous.