In 1997, Jodie Foster’s Ellie Arroway of “Contact” said something about mathematics being the only universal language. Simplicity would suggest that combining mathematics with, say, the world of movies doesn’t quite work too well.

The trailer for the first “Legally Blonde” was utterly stupid. It looked like Reese Witherspoon was on some sort of ego/acid trip that involved a lot of pink. But as embarrassingly dumb as the trailer seemed, the movie was fantastic.

Math suggests that for “Red, White and Blonde,” the trailer for which is twice as air-headed as the first movie’s trailer, would be twice as good. Maybe there’s some corollary I should theorize with some mathematicians/film buffs.

The dumbest Reese Witherspoon movie since “Cruel Intentions” has Elle Woods, law graduate and member of a prestigious law firm. In order to plan the perfect wedding, all family must be present, including pet dog Bruiser’s mother, who is in an animal-testing lab of one of her firm’s clients.

Naturally, Elle is fired for her good intentions. She decides to do the right thing, go to Washington D.C. and rid the United States of America of all animal testing. With cutthroat politics, a wedding to plan and the outfit to wear for the next day hanging in the balance (or, her closet), she’s got her work cut out for her.

I’d like to say, “What on earth was Reese thinking?” But in suffering through “Blonde 2,” I can answer that by saying to her, “You did your best, honey, I feel for you.” Because acting stupid and smart to rightfully win the hearts of your audience really is something to aspire to. It’s a hard job. Even harder when the people who write your material are brain dead.

I won’t name any names, but I will say that when the director and writers weren’t even attached to the first film in the first place, that’s a big warning signal. And, by the way, the writers were on the staff of the Fran Drescher television insanity, “The Nanny.” That would explain the lack of intelligence from my writing, because I lost more brain cells watching “Blonde 2” than the occasional alcoholic beverage.

For this much ragging, why 1.5 stars? Well, Reese really did do her best. The personality and attitude that made the first movie rise above what would have otherwise been another drop in the bucket is shining through here. Veteran actresses Sally Field and Dana Ivey do their best with the material, with Field seeming like she’s about to scream out, “You like me, you really like me!” at any given moment.Relax girl, this is Reese’s time. Team up with Burt Reynolds sometime, and then we’ll talk.

Before I wrap up, let me say this. Get Luke Wilson a decent movie, for the love of Pete. “Old School” does not count as a “Luke Wilson movie.” If he’s so damn good, why isn’t he carrying a flick on his shoulders? Get him a “Grosse Pointe Blank” or something, material that can capitalize on his moderate demeanor. If I have to see him playing second banana to the lead actor or actress, or to his own supporting cast again, I might have to lobby harder for brother Owen.

It would be mean to say, “It should be illegal to release ‘Legally Blonde 2’ to the public at large.” It’s not that bad. But it does make you want to watch the maudlin “wah wah wah” of “Cruel Intentions” just to wash the bad thoughts from your brain.

Perhaps 1 star of my rating goes to incidence. In the television trailer, there’s a shot of an artificial background and Reese looking at the camera with a flower in her hair as she winks. It’s really a throwaway shot, appearing to exist simply to promote the movie.

But alas, it actually appears in the finale. If you live for little moments like that, take a shot. Otherwise, I can see another reason why DVDs have gotten so cheap so fast.