Ding, ding, ding!

The bell is sounding one last time and its not last call at your local pub. It’s the final round of your last battle against the Sacramento State system. Finals week.

Another chapter is coming to a close. Unfortunately, some students are going to be rewriting some of these same chapters next semester if they can’t keep from drowning in a tidal wave of final exams.

Spring semester seems like the last rounds of a boxing match. You’ve been pounding the books, cramming for midterms, and kissing Professor Butt since August.

For all you students still catching up on sleep, recuperating from spring break, wake up. No more fun for the next 10 days. No more parties until after finals. There’s no sense being knocked out by a series of double shots going into finals. Alcohol will only numb the pain of failure.

An assault of multiple term papers is like a left jab followed by a blazing right hook. Students are probably feeling like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed.

What are we fighting for? We’re certainly not getting paid, yet. And there’s no press conference on ESPN if we get straight A’s. What’s the payoff? Simple: personal satisfaction and the notoriety of excellence.

Don’t flake out now. Get back up off the ground and hit those final chapters with a fury of punches. The big dog can’t eat you if you knock out all its teeth.

For those students following the motto, “C’s Get Degrees,” think again.

It’s pride. It’s victory. It’s survival.

Here’s how you can train for Finals Week:

Don’t train alone–get in a study group. Get food. Get drinks. And recruit as many students as possible who are smarter than you.

Caution: some beverages can lead to blurring of formulas, and unpredictable distortions of historical context. Stick with coffee or some other form of pick-me-up. Also, though scientifically untested, students report that ordering extra pepperoni has led to a higher level of retaining knowledge.Avoid distractions. No laptops. This is quick access to your music play list. The only song you need to listen to is “Eye of The Tiger” before you head to the classroom.

Have a fight plan. Don’t think so much about the later rounds that you get overwhelmed. Set up a series of goals and then reach them one at a time. Don’t be intimidated by all the finals that you’re facing. You can eat an elephant if you take it one bite at a time.

Stay calm in the ring. Deep breaths. An unavoidable problem is days with multiple exams. Fifteen minutes is the only break students have with back-to-back finals on the same day. That’s just enough time to run to the bookstore and buy another scantron. Panic only makes the pressure worse.

Break out the good luck charms. Bring your lucky pen, four-leaf clover, or rabbits’ foot–whatever helps you out. According to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, “Millions of normally rational students turn irrationally superstitious during final exams. Students alleviate anxiety by practicing their rituals, the same way baseball players, actors and soldiers cling to superstition.” Hey, whatever works.

There’s no cut-man, and no water-guy in your corner. It’s only you. You’re in the middle of the ring at a moment you knew was coming. Don’t back down.

Don’t follow the Who Cares Method, “If you don’t know it by now–you’re not gonna learn it the night before.” This is the motto for all students still hung over from high school who don’t really care.

Stay focused. You can do it.

Click here to send private feedback about this article to the State Hornet’s Forum staff.