Andy Fegley’s Opinion Column
Image: Andy Fegley’s Opinion Column::
November 28, 2001
Read Andy’s latest Opinion Column below and check out past columns to the right.
Previous Opinion Columns by Andy Fegley
November 14
November 7
What you need to know about anthrax
October 24
Get out of political spirit, into DVD
October 10
An open letter to Philip Morris
October 3
Cell phones: obnoxious, annoying, expensive
September 25
Library Quad no place for cheap signs, half-baked frat slogans
September 18
Our nation is at war; what now?
September 13
A message to TV producers: reality bites
September 7
Hollywood slang terms infecting college students
August 30
Returning players hold the key to success for women’s soccer
In order to complete life and have a sense of fulfillment, one must attend a Star Trek convention. If it happens to take place later in life, that?s acceptable. But if the chance to watch grown people strut their stuff in the latest fashions from the third ringed moon of Hoklork passes you by, you will be sorely incomplete. Readers, I stepped into the den of the Star Trek fanatic and survived. I have the mental images and nightmares to prove it.
The purpose of this column is not to poke fun at the fans of Star Trek. In actuality, it is geared toward making the non-fan into a stark, raving lunatic about the series. Listed below are some tips for encountering the realm of the quasi-normal and becoming part of the gang.
First, if you are not wearing a costume, you are an outsider. The people in attendance go to great lengths to make their costumes by hand and show them off. Some uniforms are nice, store-bought. Others look like hell. One gentleman came dressed as Kevin Sorbo from the Hercules series. He had the loincloth and everything. He even went so far as to add the tan that ole Herc? possessed. But instead of looking like a warrior fresh in from the fields of battle, he looked more like a man with a terrible case of jaundice who hadn?t bathed in a month. He smelled like it, too.
Second, laughing and pointing at a man wearing a Starfleet uniform that includes a kilt does not fly. He will say something in a horrible Scottish accent and then blast you with his stun gun. This whole laughing and pointing thing applies to everything at the convention. Keep it to a minimum. Snicker if you must, but don?t fall on the floor grabbing your side in pain. Trust me on that one.
Third, the stars that make appearances at conventions take themselves a wee bit too seriously. Interviewing the stars posed a bit of a problem, without money. Most of them won?t even look at you if you don?t flash a crisp 20-dollar bill in front of their face.
Fourth, the fans may be eccentric, but they fail in comparison to the vendors. In order to battle wits with patrons, these people must know their facts, and know them well. Here is a clip of dialogue overheard at the booth containing autographed pictures:
Fan: “I see there you have a signed copy of the cast from Voyager.”
Vendor: “Yep.”
Fan: “Is that from the studio presses or is that from another source?”
Vendor: “Yep.”
Fan: “I?m only interested in this picture if it came from the studio. It says here that it costs $300. I?ll take it.”
Vendor: “Nice costume.”
As you can see, both the fan and the vendor possessed vast knowledge of collectibles. Who made out during this transaction? I submit to you that the fan did. I?ve been looking for that poster for years.
A.F. Fegley is an English major. He can be reached at [email protected]