Walking through campus I can only think to myself and grin. There is an overwhelming feeling of school pride. I call it the CSU Swap Meet.

The walk from the University Union to Mendocino Hall is like running a gauntlet filled with used-car salesmen. Sign up now. Join this. Not only is there a slough of knee-high signs attacking my character, but there is also a multitude of people hanging off large, gaudy, wooden booths hounding me for information. Where?s the booth selling 10 T-shirts for a dollar? If we?re going to have people setting up shop in the quad, let?s make sure they are of some benefit to the student body. Next we may see a frat bring in someone to write names on grains of rice or airbrush Bart Simpsons face on something; membership application and dues are needed of course.

Speaking of dues, these clubs should use them to pay for decent and original marketing. Read some of the current signs and you will understand. For instance, “Only great men join fraternities,” said one sign. This bold statement is backed with the names of acting greats like Tom Selleck and Woody Harrelson. Yes folks, Magnum P.I. himself was in a frat. Are these great men? Sure they are; just ask them.

Another marvel of marketing shows some poor gentleman with his head lodged in his posterior and a headline accusing me of having this same problem. Thanks, boys, for this insight into the reason for us to join your little club.

Last, and definitely least, of the signs is a poor tribute to a comedy great, John Belushi. The sign in question contains a famous phrase from the cult classic,”Animal House.” For the large population that recognizes this as a saying from this movie, its funny. For those who do not know this quote, and will take it literally, the joke is appalling. Telling people who happen to have a weight problem, inferior intelligence or an alcohol problem not to bother joining their club is just brilliant.

A round of applause goes to all of the witty sign-makers in successfully staying true to their stereotype.

Just what does happen to these flimsy signs-on-a-stick and wood abominations after their expiration dates? Do the responsible parties remove and recycle the materials wasted in the production of these personal-space obstructers? Or do they leave their cheap, ripped-off-slogan-filled signs up for the year?

The University should not have to use its resources to pick up these student signs. The litterbugs should have to clean up their own mess. Better yet, they should make their pledges clean up the quad with their toothbrushes.

Clearly, this is not a blast at the Greek system as a whole. Rather, it is a cry for help in stopping the swap meet from taking over the quad. Perhaps the keen people in the Interfraternal Council can put their collective smarts together and form a new, cutting edge, way of distorting the truth about joining the system. How?s this for a sign next rush week: “Give us your money and we?ll like you, until the next time your payment is due.”

A.F. Fegley is an English Major. He can be reached at [email protected].