Here?s an idea: Let?s take all of the shows attempting to depict real people in real situations in order to measure their responses and provide endless entertainment to a mind-numbing extent, and ball them up tightly. Next, take these wads of garbage and find the nearest cliff, preferably one very high and next to a lava flow. Then proceed to fling this useless piece of waste into the fiery depths, out of existence. Feel better? Congratulations, we just rid the earth of reality television.

With the recent influx of reality shows on the airwaves, I can do nothing but cast a very pained and insulted look upon these latest creations set forth by the television networks.

Temptation Island, The Mole, Murder in Small Town X, Love Cruise, Manhunt, Fear Factor and The Amazing Race are some examples of the worst of reality shows. But let?s not forget about my favorite, “Stuff That Will Never Happen to You and You Don?t Care About.”

This is just a brief list of the newest attempts to illustrate the frailties of the human race. The goal of these programs is to show the viewing public how incapable we are of respecting each other and our inability to cope with adversity.

I especially enjoy the show that lets me know that Peggy Sue from Podunk Kentucky can?t scale a 20-foot wall using reeds and rocks she found conveniently located next to the obstacle.

Show me a teenager at a local university trying to find a parking space at 8 a.m., and I will applaud. Give me an in-depth look into a couple of yahoos racing around the world and I will track you down and force-feed you a dose of the real world (pun intended).

People, we need to come together and fight the evil of reality shows. I encourage you to scream, “I want my Full House!” from the highest mountaintop.

Bring back the wholesome family drama. Return the show of the lovable alien and his high jinks. Produce an original, well written, entertaining situation comedy. Now there?s a concept ? originality. If the networks want to do a reality show, here is an idea I have been working on:

It?s a show about a college student. The camera follows him throughout his day. It would capture those rare moments when he drives to campus, parks his car and walks to class.

Allow me to give you an excerpt of the show. 7:30 a.m: student wakes up in his over-priced one bedroom apartment. 7:31 a.m: student takes 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen to cure headache sustained by the previous night?s activities. 7:33 a.m: Student realizes his clock is slow by two hours and is late for his 9a.m. class.

9:34 a.m.: Student is seen in his car speeding toward campus in hopes of making his 10 a.m. lecture.

This folks, is the reality that we face daily. Why can?t they make a show about this?

Fear not, my friends, for I have the answer to our problems. There is a way to rid us of the bile called reality programming.

Let us put forth a request to the networks. There should be a channel that hosts all of the reality-based television shows. We have the Food Network, so why can?t we have the Reality Network? I can just hear the voice of Richard Hatch, Survivor winner, echoing, “The Reality Network, who cares?”

Andy Fegley is an English major. He can be reached at [email protected].