So often we set aside the things that make us happy to please others. To some degree, people have to learn to be a little selfish.

A certain sense of gratification comes from meeting other people’s needs.

But who is going to take care of you when you are busy taking care of everyone else?

That is why assertiveness is so important.

When we are so tuned to the needs and feelings of others, we forget that our own are just as valid.

A little healthy argument never hurt anyone, especially when you are clutching to your values. Sometimes our inner pushover really needs to be shoved out of the way.

We are often reluctant to challenge authority, but it is a great way to exercise assertiveness.

Jacqueline Irwin, communication studies professor at Sacramento State, encourages students to set aside the fear of failure and embarrassment that tends to hold them back.

“So what if you don’t agree with your professor? You’re in college to develop a voice,” she said.

At the same time you have to choose your battles and be careful how you fight them.

“There are those times when someone will cut you in line at the grocery store, and you can just let it go. Other times you need to defend yourself and stand up for what you believe in,” Irwin said. “Just remember who the other person is, and what you want.”

But really, disrespect never gets anyone very far.

It is important to make the distinction that being assertive does not mean being aggressive. You do not have to step on people’s toes to get what you want.

In fact, according to the article “Standing Up for Yourself – Without Stepping on Others” in Sac State’s Freshman Seminar textbook, “to stand up assertively for your rights ? (you must have) mutual respect and personal responsibility.”

Being assertive is actually more about you than anyone else.

You need to embrace respect not only for others, but for yourself.

In the article, author and counseling psychologist Ruthann Fox Hines suggested adopting this mantra: “I respect myself and my right to my ideas, feelings, needs, wants, and values, and I respect you and your rights to the same,” in order to achieve this self-awareness.

To be free-thinking is a strong characteristic, but harnessing the ability to vocalize those thoughts is even more valuable.

This has been a personal battle for nearly my entire life.

As the youngest in my family, I was raised to respect my elders, which was pretty much everyone.

Getting “the look” was enough to smother “that tone” out of my voice.

It is difficult to turn off my “sir,” “ma’am” and “how can I help you?” mindset.

My customer service job of more than four years pushed those phrases into my vocabulary.

Every part of my life has been dedicated to putting the needs of others before mine.

But becoming an opinion columnist has completely changed my perspective.

I never intend to offend people with my writing.

I only want to show a different perspective and have my thoughts noticed.

The opinions I express have always been there. Becoming a columnist was just the first time I was encouraged to voice them.

And even though that voice is stronger now, making other people happy will always be important to me.

But my life is no longer controlled by a mute button, because my own happiness is just as important.

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