Knocking around ideas for possible running mates

Victor Nieto:

Victor Nieto:

Victor Nieto

Over the past four months the network news channels have let me down, filling my view of those organizations with deep-rooted pessimism and a disgust of our current presidential primary process.

I once thought MSNBC had well-balanced news coverage until it decided to fashion its programming around bashing Clinton and McCain while glancing over anti-Obama news. Fox News is, well, Fox News, and poor CNN may have the most balanced coverage, but when it covers one subject for 40 minutes with 50 different correspondents, it’s overkill at its worst.

Basically, the validity of politics has fizzled in my eyes, but since working in a news-related medium is why I’m in college, I guess joining the world of infotainment is inevitable. So I believe that it’s imperative for me to jump on the bandwagon now and introduce who I feel the Republican and Democratic nominees should ask for as vice president.

So assuming that Senators John McCain and Barack Obama are the presidential representatives of their parties, I can think of millions more qualified but none better suited for their running mates than Britney Spears and Kanye West.

Before you jump to any hasty conclusion, keep in my mind that my suggested candidates for VP are based on insubstantial facts, irrelevancy and ignorance, but they fit right into the current mold of our cable news. However, there is actually some substance to this madness.

In many ways Spears fits the profile of a Republican candidate. First off, she’s a Christian, raised in the South and happens to be a well-know celebrity, all of which very admirable qualities for the GOP.

And as a VP her loyalty would be unquestioned. Case in point: Her 2002 response to the Iraq invasion in which she said “I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that. . .”

Simple, sweet talking-point excerpts that would make Dick Cheney proud; however, unlike Cheney, no one would ever suggest Spears as being the power behind the throne.

She also happens to be a family woman, although that title has been a bit shaky over the past few years – she is currently in a comeback process. Or better put, a redemption process, which is a fabled theme among Americans and much like that of George W. Bush, who found his way to political success after his legal woes.

But most importantly Spears is an economy in her self. Just last year as reported by many news outlets (, Spears was responsible for ‘pumping’ over $120 million into the economy (magazines, infotainment, etc) and even more indirectly.

Couldn’t you imagine Condoleezza Rice approaching McCain in the Oval Office talking about recession, whereby which McCain replies “Don’t worry – we’ll send the VP on a publicity tour around the states. And Rice, make sure the jet is furnished with plenty of Puckers and Cristal.”

I don’t see how you can combat such a two-headed monster if you’re Obama … unless you counter the GOP with a bold move of yourself. That move would be acquiring the ultra-liberal Kanye West as your running mate.

West is a self-made man and is also from the state of Illinois, giving the ticket an interstate, brotherly love feel to it, not to mention its base of historic political figures (Lincoln, Grant). And with the addition of West to the card, Obama’s majority of young voters would surely become a monopoly.

West has also shown public ire toward the GOP in his famous blast of President Bush, post Hurricane Katrina, when he said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people,” reinforcing his allegiance to the Dems. And however radical and off the charts this statement may be, it has a semblance suggesting West has a true passion for those who need economical help.

But most importantly West’s abrasive remarks will work to the benefit of Obama. With every slip up of West’s, Obama will be right there with a 30-minute laudable speech, going over not only race but the economy, partisanship, foreign affairs or whatever topic pop into West’s head.

Not only will Obama have enough speech clips to put in a new book but the two can have dual fundraising events where Obama speaks for the first part, followed by West belting out number one hits such as “Gold Digger,” which is then promptly followed by book and CD signings and plenty of photo ops filled with ‘bling.’

Now that’s my idea of real infotainment, making a total mockery out of an already absurd format. But don’t get mad at me. I’m just riding the tide and catching whatever the wake offers me, or in other words, I’m performing to the norm and giving the people what they want.

Victor Nieto can be reached at [email protected]