Sony Pictures’ “Prom Night” is not really the slasher flick it claims to be. It’s more like a scary Disney Channel movie injected with a dash of steroids, thrown into a blender with a cruddy Lifetime movie and then sprinkled with a bit of production value.

The movie stars Brittany Snow as a high school senior, Donna. When she was a freshman her entire family was killed by a crazy teacher (Johnathon Schaech) who became obsessed with her. Now as a senior she’s living with her aunt (Jessalyn Gilsig) and uncle (Linden Ashby) and she’s still trying to forget what happened.

As the title suggests, Donna goes to the prom in a sweet limo with her boyfriend (Scott Porter), best friend Lisa (Dana Davis), Lisa’s boyfriend Ronnie (Collins Pennie), and another couple (Kelly Blatz and Jessica Stroup). They are all excited for it to be the best night of their lives.

Of course, the homicidal teacher is still alive. He got the insanity plea instead of being executed and has now escaped from his mental hospital. So their night will not be all that they hoped for.

After being notified of the escape, it falls to Detective Winn (Idris Elba) to try and save them from the deranged ex-teacher.

This movie fails on basically every level. I am about to tear it apart, be ready.

We’ll start with J. S. Cardone’s cliché ridden script. Every single slasher convention is thrown in except for the most important one, the gore.

We have at least four or five scenes in which one character is left alone with the killer and has several fake scares before finally meeting the killer’s glorified pocket knife. Yes, it’s not even as big as a hunting knife. It’s the kind of thing you can find at any sporting goods store. Where’s the machete or the axe?

There are several variations on the scenes where someone dies. All of them have been done to death in other better slasher flicks. The lamest of them is acted out by Claire, one of Donna’s friends.

Claire is alone in the big hotel suite they rented. She hears a noise so she calls out, “Donna?” When she doesn’t hear a reply, she decides to investigate. She walks around, adding suspense by going about it slowly like every other victim in any Jason or Freddy movie. Then she has a couple of those fake scares, running into things and whatnot, before the killer finally jumps out and gets her.

When the killer finally attacks, he straddles and stabs her five or six times. But no blood ever gets on him. Later we see the dead body and there are some holes in her dress with small rims of blood on them. Lame!

We can thank those clever studio suits for the severe lack of blood. They probably thought that if the film is rated PG-13 it would allow younger kids to go see it and boost the box office. This may be true but it really makes this movie worthless and implausible. There’s no way the killer would come away without any stains on his clothes.

Director Nelson McCormick has mastered the art of copying better filmmakers. The whole movie is an exercise in being unoriginal.

Also, there is not an ounce of good acting. Unfortunately that is to be expected in a movie like this.

Snow is very hot. But her Donna is basically a living Barbie Doll. She has perfect looks and she is sweeter than anything that comes out of an Easy Bake Oven.

Porter as her boyfriend is similarly uninteresting, the Ken to her Barbie. He is the perfect guy and never for a second brings any doubt about his intentions which could have added some juice to the tired plot.

“Prom Night” is not a movie you should go see to be scared. It is a movie to be laughed at for its complete disregard of the audience’s intelligence. The dialogue will make you chuckle a lot and so will the tired horror conventions. Do yourself a favor and stay in. Rent a real slasher like “Friday the 13th.”

Luke Soin can be reached at [email protected]