Nothing boosts the ego like the Internet. Sure, you tell people that you use those Web sites you log onto for networking and keeping in touch with friends, but you’re not fooling anyone.

When you rush home from class, walking as fast as you can in your uncomfortable but oh-so-stylish outfit, and anxiously sign onto the Hot or Not Web site, you’re not networking.

You don’t even know the hundreds of people who, by signing up, you’ve relied on to judge your appearance and, when you log in and see that you’ve been rated a 5.8, you lose all your confidence to network at all.

That is, of course, until you sign onto MySpace. There, all your new picture, blog, and profile comments cheerfully greet you and let you know that your existence has been vindicated once again.

Someone thinks you look “sooo hot!” in that new picture of you and your friends at the bar, and you’ve gotten five comments on that picture you took of yourself in your underwear!

What do those fools on Hot or Not know anyway? Everyone on MySpace thinks you’re fantastic – especially the ones you’ve never met.

They read about your various exaggerated interests and you sound active and exciting. They read your vague “about me” section and they think you’re deep and intriguing.

They admire you for your heroes and your witty blogs, and they memorize all of your favorite books and movies in case you two chat on Instant Messenger later.

Unfortunately for them, you’re ignoring your IM’s while you film yourself dancing like Napoleon Dynamite for your latest Youtube.com video.

Everyone has to know about these talents of yours, along with the weird thing you saw the other day and your latest vacation, and lucky for them that a Web site will let you show all of your amateur films from miles away.

The greatest thing of all is that now that you are involved in all of these fantastic Web sites, you have even more of a reason to search your name on Google.

What did people do before the days of Internet ego boosts? I mean, did we just pretend that our painfully obvious narcissism didn’t exist?

I suppose everyone went to the bar, just like they do now, dressed to impress, babbling on about their likes and dislikes, their heroes and their pet peeves, feeling inflated and self-important right before they toss out some witty pick-up line and bee-line for the bathroom.

In these technologically advanced times, when you come home from a rough night out where no one wanted your number because in their head they were only rating you a 5.8, you can just sign onto the Internet and some Web site, somewhere, will soothe your ego like a hot cup of tea.

Yeah, nothing beats the egotism of the Internet – except maybe writing an opinion column.