As a boy, well, now a man, I pretty much understand myself through and through. I understand that I don’t like meat, I don’t like G.E. classes and I don’t like decorating my room. Only for the last couple of years have I not eaten meat and only for this last year have I hated G.E. classes.

For all my life, though, I have known that I don’t like to decorate. I’m a man’s man — no shopping, no fluff, nothing. But when researching for this article, I found that maybe I’ve changed a bit, that I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am here today to share the wonderful world that I have just become a part of the world of Feng Shui. Feng Shui (pronounced “Fung Shway”) is the idea of finding the natural path in life, of finding the one with the least resistance; the art of Feng Shui helps to balance a variety of elements, where we both live and work. It is meant to bring out one’s Chi (energy) and maximize its positive effect. In order to do this, one must adjust the way one lives, the way one perceives living. The simple way to do this is to look at what is called the Bagua (pronounced Ba-gwa), which is a model of where the elements of the earth are in your living and working environments. The Bagua is an octagon that separates one’s home or office into nine sections. Within those nine sections, there are five elements, those being earth, fire, metal, water and wood.

The Bagua tells of where to arrange items in your room, with each item representing a theme, therefore achieving that specific element of Feng Shui relative to that section. If the objects are arranged properly, Chi is maximized, creating balance and harmony.

At the request of my editor, I tried Feng Shui in my dorm room, right here in Jenkins Hall. With the little money and resources I have, I knew I had to be creative and efficient to make it work. The cool thing about Feng Shui is that it is not a rich man’s art, nor does it care to be; you can use anything you have to make it work for you. Here are some highlights of the Feng Shui festival that was my room for a day.

First, I separated my room into nine sections. The first section is “Career and Life Journey,” which is essentially the front door and that space. This section should have something black or dark blue hanging right in front of you or on the wall right as you walk in. The element was water and the shapes to decorate with are wavy, undulating shapes. So, I hung a dark blue bed sheet on each side of the wall, near my door. This blue bed sheet represents the waves of the ocean, symbolizing the rocky, up-and-down path my life will take from here on out.

Just to the left of the door is the section called “Family and Ancestors.” This section is to represent the element of wood, with green somehow tied in. Feng Shui suggests shapes such as columns and rectangles. I knew just what to do from there. I took an antique, rectangular wooden frame with a picture of me, my brother and my mom in it and hung it on the wall just left of the door. Next to it, I put up an Oakland Athletics poster — hey, it’s green and the A’s are part of my family.

At the very back right of my room is my bed. A cardinal rule with Feng Shui is that the foot of the bed is never supposed to be directly facing the door , this is the dreaded “coffin position,” so called because that’s how they arranged coffins in rooms long ago; so, I accommodated my Chi and moved it slightly to the right. Here, at the back right of the room, is where the “Marriage and Relationships” section is, conveniently where my bed sits.

The Bagua indicates that in order to have a happy and healthy marriage or relationship, one must decorate this portion of the room with colors associated with love, such as pink, red and white. I filled this part of the room with as much love as I could muster up. I put all my Valentine’s cards here, put a white blanket on my bed, borrowed a pink pillow-case from a female friend, and proceeded to lie on my new-founded Feng Shui-esque bed … in my red boxers, of course. Since I obeyed the holy rules of Feng Shui, will I be rewarded with love now? Will a special someone be waiting in the “Marriage and Relationships” section of my room? Oh Feng Shui, don’t fail me now!

And finally, we move to the middle-right of my room, where the “Children and Creativity” section is located. It is to be decorated with white, round or oval shapes, accompanied by the element of metal. Well, sorry Feng Shui, I already got that covered. I have a metallic silver-colored TV sitting right there, with an X-BOX hooked up to it. This is definitely an area for children, mainly me and my buddies, where the creativity is ample and the fun is plentiful.

Hey, I’m still rough and rugged, just now a little more conscious of the art of decorating. But don’t expect to see me as the newest co-host of “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.”