I have a dream. It embraces me like a cheerful, burly grandmother and lifts me off my feet. My spirit climbs a mountain singing songs of inspiration. And the sun is peering at me from the other side, smiling, routing me on. I dream of nursing.

Allow myself to introduce myself. I am a mother of two, spouse of a U.S. Air force member, and nursing student at CSU, Sacramento. After a two-year hiatus from pursing my educational goals, I was accepted into the CSUS baccalaureate nursing program. With the average age of the students being 26 years, and the abundance of courses offered in the evenings, it appeared to be a family-friendly university.

Then there is the nursing crisis here in California, and nationwide as evidenced by numerous commercials and also stated by the President of the U.S. The doors for nursing were wide open and welcoming me in. To top it off, the Air Force boasted its Family First pride, so I knew I would be able to get the support I needed to realize my goals.

Okay, so it wasn?t entirely realistic. My husband’s superiors told him that I should stay home until the kids got older. Their reasoning behind this was that we wouldn?t be able to afford childcare. Perhaps this really meant that they weren?t willing to allow for minor alternations in his schedule so that he could pick up or drop off the kids. Family first? My mistake. The military; the Air Force isn?t any more superior in dealing with the family than the other branches. But that?s another issue I could expound on?e-mail me on it!

As mother I should have been prepared to face the common winter illnesses. But when my kids and I got sick, twice within a months span, oh, the storm began! I missed many days of classes. My husband missed two days of work because, of course, the kids were my responsibility (Family First). A couple of teachers encouraged me to drop out of the program, saying that if I didn?t, I would be responsible for my own failure.

What absolutely bewildered me was that I was emphatically told that I should stay home with the kids. Stay home with them because they were so young, and I needed to spend more time with them. This made me cringe, and was vaguely reminiscent of a phrase from grade school that we used to hear, “Why don?t you get back on the boat to Africa?” It is 2002: give us freedom!

I detest the fact that in the new millennium, parochialism in teachers exists. Teachers who I believed would inspire me. Nursing professionals who should be recruiting and enlisting the support of its determined students. Is it because I?m young, black and gifted immersed in an entirely non-diverse faculty? Stay home with my kids? The best thing I am doing right now for them is furthering my education. My commitment to getting a BSN and pursing advanced practice nursing is an investment into my family?s future. I cannot bear to accept this military salary and collect government assistance for much longer. I was told that I needed to make nursing first in order to be a successful student. I refuse. A caring mother who puts her children?s needs first, while maintaining academic achievement, is one who will be a successful and compassionate nurse. And it is also that nurse who will be a dedicated contributor to increasing knowledge about nursing and thus decreasing the shortage.

I sit out this semester to complete a nursing ethics class that I was forced to drop. The CSUS nursing tradition would not allow me to continue to second semester and take this class concurrently. And my dream now captures me and whispers, “You should have stayed Pre-Med.” My spirits are evaporating and my mountain has turned icy. Becoming a nurse has become a struggle. And still I rise.

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