I can?t keep it in any longer. I?ve been screwing University Transportation and Parking Services since Feb. 27 of this year?And no, I don?t feel bad. Feb. 27 was the last day I actually purchased a daily parking permit.

The funny thing is, that one daily permit has worked great all semester long. It?s the gift that keeps on giving. Actually, it?s the best $1.75 I?ve ever spent.

I suppose it is morally wrong to rip off a school that has the budget of a small town, but I don?t feel bad about failing to shell out 63 bucks for a semester pass. Strangely, this is the first and only semester I have not had a parking pass or gotten a ticket. The irony nearly kills me.

I know that I am ruining a good thing for myself and all of you, but not gloating would be like catching a six-foot sturgeon, throwing it back and not telling anyone about it. It?s not very often that you get to stick it to the man, even if it?s in a very miniscule way.I can?t help laughing when I see the UTAPS employees in their white collared shirts and navy blue shorts ticketing cars in the parking lot. They park their little white trucks, with the UTAPS logo on the side, in a legitimate parking spot that a student could use, then walk around like Dirty Harry.

One day I actually worried that I might get caught. Late to class as usual, I parked my car and got out. This is when I noticed the parking police two cars down from me. I unlocked my car and threw the old parking permit on the dashboard of my car and went to class. I fully expected to have a citation on my windshield when I returned from class, but sure enough, there was nothing.It?s not really the students that check the parking passes who are at fault for this kind of behavior. It?s the geniuses in charge of implementing the policy and passes.

If they were smart they would make the parking passes for each day or week a different color. This would actually cut down on the work needed to catch people with delinquent passes. I don?t know the actual logistics of operating such a system, but then again, I?m not an overpaid administrator.

I am out there, UTAPS. Catch me if you can. I will not stop using my trusty old pass until you bring me down.

Once you get a taste for the criminal lifestyle, there is no turning back. Until then, I will be roaming the parking lots of this campus and parking illegally.

Matt Wagar and The State Hornet assume no liablility for any tickets incurred by readers who try this scheme. E-mail him at [email protected].