Sex is an amazing, fun act. People don’t like to think about it, but there’s a dark, terrible and sad side to sex that can’t be ignored in favor of fun and lighthearted topics. –

-A close friend of mine dated a guy who, after three dates, confessed he’d been molested as a child. To be blunt, she freaked out. She was 19 at the time and she didn’t think she was qualified to deal with that kind of thing. She was scared she’d say the wrong thing, and although she really liked the guy, she figured he was going through something she couldn’t handle, and he’d be better off alone. She delicately ended the relationship. –

-An estimated one in six children is a victim of rape, according to www.rainn.org/stateistics.html. In 2002 there were approximately 248,000 cases of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault in the country, not including those under the age of 12. That’s only the cases that were reported — only 39 percent of all estimated rapes are reported. College students are a very high-risk group when it comes to rape. –

-The chances are that, even if it’s indirect, most college students will come in contact with someone who has experienced the horrible trauma of being sexually abused or assaulted. –

-This makes it likely that a student may wind up dating someone who has been a victim. Though there’s no right protocol to refer to in such situations, it’s not a reason to end a relationship or “freak out.” –

-Everyone is damaged in some way — if not sexually, then otherwise. There’s no safe, “Leave it to Beaver” bubble people miraculously pop out of, fully functional and capable of soul-mate-hood. Someone with a past assault or sex issue will need extra understanding and compassion. They don’t need to be written off. If someone you’re dating confides in you, they need your understanding and support. It’s understandable to be shocked and not know exactly how to react, but the important thing to realize is that for whatever reason, the person has chosen to share that information. –

-Rape counselors caution victims that sexual assault can lead to difficulties in future relationships. Survivors can experience depression, fear, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts, among other things. –

-To a college student, dating someone who’s dealing with those problems could be scary. The best advice, according to the RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) Web site, is to be a good listener, don’t blame the victim and encourage them to report the incident and get counseling. Do not force the person to report the incident or get help — according to experts, a victim has to do that on their own. –

-Many victims have gone to counseling or are undergoing counseling. Some are ready to begin dating again, but they’ll always have that incident in their past. They may not want to talk about it, they may feel comfortable being open about it, or even need to talk about it. –

-If a victim hasn’t reported the incident and isn’t undergoing counseling, they need encouragement in that direction. Counseling through agencies like WEAVE (Women Escaping a Violent Environment) is free and confidential, even if the rape wasn’t reported. Rape victims can get counseling even 20 years after an unreported incident. –

-Friends of victims can also receive counseling — even if someone else experienced it. –

-Freaking out and running away, while it may be a pretty normal fight-or-flight tendency, is not helpful. In fact, my friend who did that very thing felt terrible about it for a long time, and later tried to reconcile with the guy. Unfortunately, he’d already been hurt by her reaction and wasn’t able to continue the relationship. –

-Tons of resources, tips and helpful insight are available on the Internet or on campus. Visit the Student Health Center for information, or check out www.rainn.org, www.911rape.org or call (800) 656-HOPE, the National Sexual Assault Hotline. –

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